You Don’t Have to Keep Defending Who You Are

I’ve been thinking about how exhausting it is to constantly defend who you are.

    “I didn’t mean that.”

        “That isn’t what happened.”

            “I do care.”

                “I haven’t abandoned you.”

                    “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

                        “I’ve already explained this.”

At first, you think if you can just find the right words, the other person will understand.

So you explain.

Then you explain your explanation.

You reassure.

You apologize for what actually belongs to you.

You try to clear up the misunderstanding.

You give grace.

And then somehow you find yourself right back at the beginning, defending your heart, your intentions and eventually your character.

Here is something I am learning:

Not every accusation requires a defense.

Sometimes you have explained enough.

Sometimes the other person’s version of you is simply not yours to fix.

You can listen to someone’s pain without accepting responsibility for all of it.

You can acknowledge someone’s feelings without agreeing with their accusations.

You can own your mistakes without accepting a character someone else has assigned to you.

And you can stop participating in conversations that require you to continually prove that you are a good person.

That isn’t avoiding accountability.

Sometimes it is recognizing that accountability has already happened, but the conversation keeps going.

There comes a point when you have to know yourself well enough to say:

• I know my heart.
• I know what I have done.
• I know what I have apologized for.
• I know what I can do differently.
• And I also know what does not belong to me.

That last one matters.

Because carrying someone else’s anger, disappointment, assumptions or pain will eventually become very heavy.

You can care about someone and put it down.

You can wish them healing and put it down.

You can forgive and put it down.

You can love someone and still decide that you will no longer participate in a conversation that is hurting you.

This Week’s Reminder

You do not have to keep defending who you are to someone committed to misunderstanding you.

Know yourself.

Own what is yours.

Make amends when necessary.

Then give yourself permission to put down what was never yours to carry.

Happy Monday, friends.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

srt

#MondayMotivation #KnowYourWorth #HealthyBoundaries #ProtectYourPeace #SelfWorth #EmotionalWellness #PersonalGrowth #LeadWithStrength #LiveWithPurpose