A Letter to the Fixers: You Can’t Fix Everything

There’s something oddly fitting about finding life lessons in a show I resisted for years.

My husband and I recently started watching CSI. Yes, I know, late to the party. Very late. 

And before anyone asks why now, the answer is simple: desperation. We ran out of everything else. But also, if I’m honest, I’ve always avoided shows like this. The brutality, the unresolved trauma, the stories involving women, children, and the darker corners of humanity ... it’s a lot. I don’t naturally gravitate toward that.

But here we are.

And somewhere between the crime scenes and the lab work, a thought stuck with me: cold cases.

For those who don’t watch, a cold case is something that was never fully solved. Maybe the evidence ran dry. Maybe too much time passed. Maybe the people involved are gone or unwilling to revisit it. It just… sits there. Unresolved.

And that got me thinking about life, specifically, about those of us who are “fixers.”

If you’re a fixer, you know exactly what I mean. You step in, you smooth things over, you patch the wound, you keep things moving. You make peace where you can. You survive what you must. And at the time, it feels like resolution.

But sometimes… it’s not.

Sometimes what we call “fixed” is really just filed away.

A cold case.

I think every one of us has them: moments, relationships, conversations, or hurts that never fully got resolved. Maybe you did what you needed to do to move forward. Maybe you didn’t have the tools, the support, or even the awareness back then. Maybe the other person wasn’t willing or isn’t here anymore. So you kept going.

Because life doesn’t pause for closure.

But here’s the tricky part: cold cases don’t always stay buried.

Every now and then, something stirs them up. A memory. A conversation. A season of life where you finally slow down enough to feel. And suddenly, that old case file is back on your desk, demanding attention.

And if you’re a fixer, your instinct is to… fix it.

But what if you can’t?

What if there is no new evidence?
No conversation to be had?
No apology coming?
No clean ending waiting for you?

That’s where the real work begins.

Because maybe the goal isn’t to solve the case.

Maybe the goal is to release it.

To acknowledge that it was real. That it mattered. That it impacted you. And also accept that not everything in life gets tied up neatly. Some things remain unfinished, not because you failed, but because resolution requires more than just you.

And that’s a hard truth for fixers.

We like control. We like closure. We like knowing we did everything we could to make things right.

But sometimes, “everything you could” still isn’t enough to create a perfect ending.

So, what do you do when a cold case resurfaces?

You sit with it ... without rushing to solve it.

You ask yourself what part of it still has a hold on you.

You give yourself permission to feel whatever you didn’t have space to feel back then.

And then, slowly, intentionally, you decide what you want to do with it now, not what you should have done then.

Because healing isn’t always about resolution.

Sometimes it’s about acceptance.

Sometimes it’s about choosing peace without answers.

And sometimes it’s about closing the file, not because the case was solved, but because you’re no longer willing to let it run your life.

That’s the kind of closure we don’t talk about enough.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s the kind that matters most.

Happy Thursday fellow fixers (and the rest of the world),

-srt 

#ThursdayThoughts #ReaCoachingandConsulting #ColdCase

More Than a Reel

It’s strange how easy it is to feel like life is happening somewhere else.

You open your phone for a quick scroll and suddenly you’re watching everyone else’s highlight reel ... perfect photos, big smiles, meaningful moments, all neatly edited into something that looks effortless.

But that’s all it is: a highlight reel.

What you don’t see is everything behind it: the effort, the doubt, the growth, the courage it took just to show up in the first place.

And here’s something I think we all need to be reminded of more often:

The most meaningful parts of life aren’t happening on a screen.
They’re happening in the moments when we choose to be present.

Not the polished ones. The real ones.

The conversation after a long day when you almost didn’t go.
The laughter that sneaks up on you in the middle of something ordinary.
The messy, behind-the-scenes effort that never gets photographed.
The quiet encouragement you give, or receive, when it’s needed most.

Those are the moments that actually matter.

They don’t always look like much from the outside. They don’t always get posted. But they’re the ones that stay with you.

And here’s the thing ... those moments don’t happen by accident.

They happen when you show up.

When you say yes instead of maybe later.
When you walk into the room even if you’re tired, unsure, or wondering if you belong.
When you choose to participate instead of sitting on the sidelines.

Because you do belong.
In the room.
In the conversation.
In your own story.

Your presence matters more than you think. Your voice matters more than you realize. And the impact you have, sometimes in the smallest ways, is real.

It’s easy to believe that what counts is what gets captured. But the truth is, the most important parts of our lives will never fit into a post.

They live in the connections we build, the people we support, and the moments we fully step into.

So if you’ve been hesitating, wondering if you should go, speak up, get involved, take this as your nudge:

Don’t sit on the sidelines of your own life.

Show up.
For the experience.
For the connection.
For yourself.

Because the best parts of your story? They won’t be found in a reel.

They’ll be found in the moments you chose to live fully.

And if you pay attention, you might notice something else along the way—people see you. They appreciate what you bring. They notice your light, even when you don’t.

Learning to accept that… well, that’s a whole different kind of growth.

But for now, just keep showing up.

The world needs what you have to give.

Happy Thursday lovelies,

-srt

Show up. Live for real moments, not reel ones.

It’s easy to think life is happening somewhere else, perfectly captured in someone else’s highlight reel.

But the real moments? They’re not edited. They’re lived.

They happen when you show up ... tired, unsure, imperfect, but present.

This week don’t compare your life to what you see on a screen.
Step into your own story instead.

Because your life is more than a reel.

It’s happening right now.

Aim for real moments, not reel moments.

Show up. It matters. 💛

xoxox,

-srt

#MotivationMonday #ReaCoachingandConsulting

Strength Looks Good on You. But Do You Believe It?

On Monday we talked about strength and ownership.

Today, let us slow it down.

Confidence does not grow from affirmation alone.  It grows from evidence.

If you do not feel strong, it is often because you are not tracking your strength. You are living it, but not naming it.

Let’s change that.

Strengths Spotting

Instead of asking, "What am I good at?" ask:

• What problems do people consistently bring to me?
• What feels natural to me but difficult to others?
• Where do I stay steady when others become reactive?

Patterns reveal strength. Pay attention to them.

Wins Inventory

Don't laugh.  Just do it.  

Create a document titled:  Proof I Can Handle Hard Things

List:

• Conversations you initiated
• Boundaries you set
• Projects you completed
• Risks you took
• Moments you stayed grounded under pressure

Review this before meetings, presentations, or difficult decisions.

Confidence is memory with intention.

Confidence Anchoring

Think of a moment when you felt capable and grounded.

• How were you standing?
• How were you speaking?
• What was your pace?

Practice recalling that state before moments that matter.

Leadership presence is often accessed, not created.

Leadership Presence Reflection

Ask yourself:

"Do I wait to be chosen, or do I choose myself?"
"Do I soften my ideas, or do I stand behind them?"
"Do I wait to feel confident, or do I act and allow confidence to follow?"

Self-leadership begins when you stop outsourcing your authority.

You already carry strength.

The question is not whether it exists.

The question is whether you are willing to own it.

With strength and clarity,

-srt

#ThursdayThought #Leadership #Confidence #SelfLeadership #Mindset #PersonalGrowth #ReaCoachingandConsulting

Strength Looks Good on You

Most people underestimate themselves.

Not because they lack ability.
But because they have normalized their strength.

What feels ordinary to you is often extraordinary to someone else.

Strength is not loud.
It is not performative.
It is not perfection.

Strength is ownership.

It is saying:

• I will handle this.
• I will learn what I do not know.
• I will not wait to be chosen.

Look at the evidence.

You have survived difficult seasons.
You have navigated conversations you once feared.
You have adapted when plans fell apart.
You have carried responsibility quietly and consistently.

That is not luck.
That is leadership.

You already carry more capability than you acknowledge.

So, walk into this week differently.

Sit taller.
Speak clearly.
Decide with conviction.
Own your space.

Strength looks good on you.

Act like it.

With strength and clarity,

-srt

Rising Again Is a Skill

Earlier this week, we talked about rising again.

Today, let’s talk about how.  Because most people do not struggle with failure, they struggle with what they say to themselves afterward.

Shame slows recovery.
Structure accelerates it.

Then walk them through the coaching tools.

Coaching Tool 1: The Failure Debrief Process

Instead of:
“I messed everything up.”

Ask three grounded questions:

1. What actually happened? (Facts only.)
2. What was within my control?
3. What was outside my control?

This separates reality from emotional distortion.

Failure feels catastrophic when it is vague.
It becomes manageable when it is specific.

Coaching Tool 2: The Three Lesson Method

Every setback contains instruction.  

Let me repeat that.

Every setback contains instruction (we just need to decomp the setback to find it).

Write down:

• One practical lesson
• One leadership lesson
• One personal growth lesson

If you extract the lesson, the failure pays you back.

Coaching Tool 3: Self Compassion Practice

This is where most high performers resist.

Instead of:
“I should have known better.”

Try:
“I am learning.”
“I am growing capacity.”
“This is uncomfortable, not fatal.”

Self-compassion is not weakness.
It prevents emotional paralysis.

Research consistently shows it increases accountability and improvement.

Coaching Tool 4: The Bounce Back Plan

Resilience requires movement.

Ask Yourself:

"What is one small action I can take within 24 hours?"

Not a grand redemption arc.
Just one forward step.

Send the email.
Have the follow-up conversation.
Revise the proposal.
Apply again.

Momentum restores confidence faster than rumination.

Final Thoughts

The goal is not perfection.
The goal is shortening the gap between fall and rise.

Recovery is trainable.

And every time you rise again,
you build evidence that you can.

Stand firm. Bend wisely. Rise again.

Happy Thursday Lovelies,

-srt

Rise Again

There is a Japanese proverb: Nana korobi ya oki.

Fall seven times.
Stand up eight.

Culturally, it reflects a deep value in Japanese philosophy: endurance, persistence, and steady effort despite hardship.

It does not say, “Do not fall.”
It does not say, “Strong people stay standing.”

It assumes the fall.

Because falling is part of living.
Part of leading.
Part of stretching beyond what you already know how to do.

Resilience is not about avoiding failure.
It is about recovery speed.

How long do you stay in self-doubt?
How long do you rehearse the mistake?
How long do you let one moment define you?

Failure is an event.
It is not an identity.

The strongest leaders are not the ones who never stumble.
They are the ones who refuse to stay down.

They get up before their confidence fully returns.
They move before the embarrassment completely fades.
They act before they feel ready.

That is resilience.

This week, if something does not go as planned:

Pause.
Breathe.
Learn.
Then rise.

Fall seven times.
Stand up eight.

Stand firm. Bend wisely. Rise again.

-srt

When Standing Feels Lonely

On Monday we talked about standing anyway.

But here’s the part we don’t always say out loud:

Standing can feel lonely.

It sounds empowering in theory.
Until you’re the only one in the room who sees it that way.
Until the energy shifts after you speak.
Until the email tone changes.

Until the silence lingers a little too long.

That’s when doubt creeps in.

Was I too much?
Should I have just let it go?
Did I create tension?

This is the moment where most people retreat.

Not because they lack conviction.
But because they fear disconnection.

Here’s what’s true:

Standing is not about volume.
It’s about alignment.

You don’t stand to overpower.
You stand to stay congruent with who you are.

And congruence builds self-trust.

So, if this week required you to stand (in a meeting, in a boundary, in a difficult conversation) here are a few ways to steady yourself.

Coaching Tool 1: Core Belief Inventory

When standing feels uncomfortable, examine the belief underneath the discomfort.

Ask yourself:

• Do I believe I must be liked to be effective?
• Do I believe conflict equals failure?
• Do I believe strong equals aggressive?
• Do I believe my needs are less important than harmony?

Write the beliefs down.

Then ask:
"Is this belief rooted in truth or in fear?"

Often, the tension isn’t from standing.
It’s from challenging a belief you’ve carried for years.

Coaching Tool 2: Personal Mission Statement

Create a short identity anchor you can return to when doubt surfaces.

Finish this sentence:

“When I am fully aligned, I show up as someone who…”

Then craft a 1–2 sentence mission statement.

Example:
“I lead with clarity, integrity, and calm strength. I honor my values even when it’s uncomfortable.”

Let this become your internal compass.

When you feel shaken, return to it.

Coaching Tool 3: Boundary Setting Framework

If standing required you to set a boundary, reflect on this:

• What behavior was misaligned?
• What is my responsibility?
• What is not my responsibility?
• What consequence maintains alignment moving forward?

Boundaries are not punishments.
They are clarity.

And clarity reduces resentment.

Coaching Tool 4: Values Alignment Check

After a hard moment, don’t ask:
“Did they like it?”

Ask:

• Was I respectful?
• Was I honest?
• Was I clear?
• Was I aligned with my values?

If the answer is yes ... then you stood well.

Even if it was uncomfortable.

Standing is not about force.  It is about rootedness.

The goal isn’t to win every room.
The goal is to remain steady within yourself.

So if it felt lonely this week, that doesn’t mean you were wrong.

It may mean you are growing.

Reflection Question for You:

Where do you need to keep standing, even if it feels uncomfortable?

Growth rarely asks for applause.
But it always asks for courage.

Stand steady. Rise strong.

-srt