Actions Are the Truth

In early June, a friend said something so simple that I haven't stopped thinking about it.

"People show you who they are through their actions."

At the same time, I happened to be rereading The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. The two ideas seemed to fit together perfectly. Both are reminders that we spend far too much energy trying to explain, excuse, or change other people when, more often than not, their consistent actions have already given us the answer.

At first, I nodded and moved on. But over the weeks, I found myself replaying those words in different situations.

• A missed commitment.
• An unexpected act of kindness.
• Someone who said all the right things but never followed through.
• Someone else who rarely spoke about their character but quietly lived it every day.

It made me realize something both uncomfortable and freeing.

We spend an incredible amount of time listening to what people say. We analyze conversations, search for hidden meanings, and often give people the benefit of the doubt because we want to believe the best about them.

• Yet actions rarely lie.
• Actions reveal priorities.
• Actions reveal values.
• Actions reveal integrity.

Words tell us who someone wants to be. Actions tell us who they are today.

That doesn't mean people can't grow. We all have moments where our actions fall short of our intentions. Growth requires grace. But growth also requires accountability. If someone continually tells you one thing while consistently doing another, eventually you have to believe the evidence.

Yesterday, my mom made me laugh with an analogy I haven't been able to shake.

She said, "Some people are like a bad pancake. Burnt on one side but served with the golden-brown side up. They look good until you take a bite."

I laughed, but then I realized there was wisdom tucked inside her humor.

Over time, life has a way of flipping the pancake.

Consistent actions reveal what words and appearances often hide.

As I thought more about it, I realized this lesson extends far beyond our relationships with others.

It forces us to look inward.

• What do my actions communicate?
• If I say family comes first, does my calendar reflect that?
• If I say I value my health, do my daily habits agree?
• If I claim to be a leader, do my actions make others feel valued, heard, and empowered?
• If I say faith is important, does the way I treat people reflect it?

Character isn't built in grand moments. It's revealed in ordinary ones.

It's found in the promises we keep when no one is watching.

        The emails we return.

                The encouragement we offer.

                        The apologies we make.

                                The commitments we honor.

The way we speak about people when they aren't in the room.

The encouraging part is this: actions are within our control.

If our actions haven't reflected the person we aspire to become, today is a new opportunity. We don't need a dramatic reinvention. We simply need the courage to align our behavior with our values, one decision at a time.

• People are watching.
• Our children are watching.
• Our coworkers are watching.
• Our friends are watching.

But most importantly, we are becoming the person our actions repeatedly reinforce.

So this week, pay less attention to impressive words and more attention to consistent behavior, both in others and in yourself.

Because in the end, actions don't just reveal character.

They create it.

Happy Thursday, all,

-srt

#ThursdayThought #Leadership #CharacterMatters #Integrity #PersonalDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfReflection #AuthenticLeadership #ActionsSpeakLouderThanWords #ReaCoachingandConsulting

What Your Actions Say About You

Someone shared a simple truth with me a few weeks ago that I haven't been able to shake:

People show you who they are through their actions.

Not their promises.
Not their intentions.
Not the version of themselves they describe.

Their actions.

Pay attention to the people who consistently show up.
The ones who keep their word.
The ones who make time.
The ones whose behavior matches their values.

And while you're watching others, ask yourself the same question:

What are my actions teaching people about me?

Because long after our words are forgotten, our actions become our reputation.

Lovelies, have a week where what you do speaks louder than what you say.

-srt

#MotivationalMonday #MondayMotivation #Leadership #Character #Integrity #PersonalGrowth #LeadByExample #ActionsSpeakLouder #GrowthMindset #DayInALifeOfStacy #ReaCoachingandConsulting

See the Good in Everything

"Being positive isn't pretending that everything is good; it's seeing the good in everything."

This quote challenges one of the biggest misconceptions about positivity. Many people believe being positive means ignoring reality, suppressing difficult emotions, or putting on a smile when life is falling apart. But genuine positivity isn't about denial ... it's about perspective.

Life will always contain both blessings and burdens. There will be seasons of growth and seasons of struggle. There will be victories worth celebrating and disappointments that test our resilience. Positivity doesn't ask us to ignore the difficult moments. Instead, it invites us to look deeper and ask:

What can I learn from this?
How can I grow through this?
What good still exists, even here?

When we practice this mindset, challenges become opportunities to build strength. Mistakes become lessons. Delays become chances to develop patience. Even painful experiences can reveal courage, compassion, wisdom, or a new direction we may never have discovered otherwise.

This doesn't mean every situation is good. Some experiences are genuinely difficult, unfair, or heartbreaking. Yet even in those moments, there is often something valuable we can carry forward: a lesson, a connection, a renewed appreciation, a stronger character, or a clearer sense of purpose.

This week, try experimenting with positivity in practical ways:

The Reframe Challenge
When something doesn't go as planned, pause and ask yourself, "What else could this mean?" Look for an alternative perspective before settling on frustration or disappointment.

Find Three Good Things
At the end of each day, write down three positive moments, no matter how small. A meaningful conversation, a good cup of coffee, a completed task, or simply making it through a tough day all count.

Look for Hidden Lessons
The next time you face a setback, ask yourself, "What is this experience teaching me that success never could?"

Practice Gratitude During Difficulty
Don't wait for life to be perfect to be grateful. Find one thing to appreciate even on challenging days. Gratitude and struggle can exist together.

Become a Good Finder
Make it your mission to notice something positive in every person you encounter. You may be surprised by how much your relationships and interactions improve.

Replace Complaints with Curiosity
Instead of immediately asking, "Why is this happening to me?" try asking, "What can I learn from this?" or "How can I respond in a way that aligns with who I want to be?"

The truth is, our perspective shapes our experience. The more we train ourselves to recognize possibilities, lessons, and blessings, the more resilient and hopeful we become.

As you move through the rest of this week, remember: positivity isn't about pretending the storm isn't there. It's about trusting that there is still something valuable to be found, learned, or appreciated, even while the rain is falling.

What is one challenge you've faced recently that ended up teaching you something valuable?

Happy Thursday all,

-srt

#ThursdayThoughts #MindsetMatters #PositiveThinking #PersonalGrowth #Resilience #Gratitude #SelfDevelopment #ReaCoachingandConsulting

Being Positive isn't Pretending that Everything is Good; It's Seeing the Good in Everything

Life isn’t always perfect, and positivity doesn’t mean ignoring challenges or pretending pain doesn’t exist. True positivity is choosing to look beyond the obstacle and finding the lesson, opportunity, or strength hidden within it.

This week, instead of focusing on what’s going wrong, focus on what’s still going right. Every setback carries a lesson. Every challenge builds resilience. Every new day brings another chance to grow, improve, and move closer to your goals.

Start this week with gratitude.
    Embrace the lessons in the struggles.
        Celebrate the small wins.
            Trust that even difficult seasons are shaping you for something greater.

Remember: Your perspective has the power to change your experience. Look for the good, and you'll find reasons to keep moving forward.

Make this Monday the beginning of a week filled with purpose, growth, and possibility. 

You've got this!

-srt

#MotivationalMonday #PositiveMindset #GrowthMindset #ReaCoachingandConsulting

Are You Leading... or Are You the Bottleneck?

One of the hardest truths for leaders to accept is this:

If your team cannot move forward without your approval, your input, or your constant presence, you may not be leading as effectively as you think.

Many leaders wear their indispensability as a badge of honor. They pride themselves on being involved in every decision, copied on every email, and consulted on every challenge. It feels responsible. It feels productive. It feels like leadership.

But often, it's the opposite.

When every decision flows through one person, progress slows. Innovation stalls. Confidence erodes. Team members stop thinking independently because they learn that every answer will eventually come from the leader anyway.

Strong leadership isn't measured by how many decisions you make.

It's measured by how many decisions your team can make well without you.

The real goal of leadership is not to create dependence. 

It's to develop capability.

I am going to repeat that ... 

The real goal of leadership is not to create dependence. It's to develop capability.

Great leaders invest time in building trust, creating clarity, coaching decision-making, and empowering people to own outcomes. They understand that leadership is not about being the smartest person in the room. It's about creating a room full of people who can think, solve problems, and lead themselves.

Ask yourself:

• Do people come to me for every answer?
• Have I clearly defined expectations and boundaries?
• Am I solving problems that my team should be solving?
• Am I developing leaders, or creating followers?

The strongest teams are not the ones that wait for permission.

They are the ones that understand the mission, embrace accountability, and move forward with confidence.

As leaders, our success should not be measured by how many times we are cc'd today.  

It should be measured by how capable our teams become tomorrow.

The ultimate test of leadership is not whether everything stops when you step away. It's whether everything continues to thrive because of the foundation you built.

That's something worth thinking about this Thursday.

Happy Thursday lovelies,

-srt

#ThursdayThoughts #Leadership #LeadershipDevelopment #TeamDevelopment #Empowerment #Delegation #GrowthMindset #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipMatters #ReaCoachingandConsulting

If your team can't move without your approval, you're not leading ... you've become the bottleneck.

 

If you're a leader who has to be involved in everything, this message is for you.

If your team can't move without your approval, you're not leading ... you've become the bottleneck.

And that's a problem.

Leadership isn't about making every decision. It's about developing people who can make good decisions without you.

So where do you start?

This week, challenge yourself to delegate more. Ask someone else to lead a meeting, chair a committee, or own a project.  And then step aside.

Will they do it exactly the way you would? Probably not.

And that's okay.

Growth happens when people are given the opportunity to think, act, and lead for themselves. That requires trust. It requires empowerment. And sometimes, it requires leaders to let go of the need to control every outcome.

The goal is not to be needed for everything.

The goal is to build a team that thrives because of your leadership, not your constant involvement.

Remember: strong leaders don't create followers. They develop strong thinkers who are confident, capable, and ready to lead.

Wishing everyone a productive and empowering week ahead.

Happy Monday!

— srt

#MondayMotivation #Leadership #TeamDevelopment #Empowerment #GrowthMindset #ReaCoachingandConsulting

Looking Through the Window: What StrengthsFinder Revealed

There is something fascinating about watching someone discover themselves.

Not in a dramatic, life-altering moment, but in the quiet realization that the things they've always done naturally; the habits, instincts, and ways they move through the world, actually have names. More importantly, those traits are not accidents. They are strengths.

Recently, I watched someone take the StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment by Tom Rath. Like many personality and leadership assessments, it promised insight. What it delivered was something more profound: language.

The results came back with five dominant strengths:

1. Relator
2. Strategic
3. Achiever
4. Significance
5. Self-Assurance

At first glance, they seem like individual characteristics. But when viewed together, they tell a much larger story.

The Relator

The Relator isn't interested in collecting relationships like trophies. They seek depth over breadth. They would rather have a handful of meaningful conversations than spend time surrounded by a crowd of acquaintances.

Watching a Relator move through life is like watching someone build bridges instead of networks. They crave authenticity. They want to know what matters to people, what keeps them awake at night, what dreams they carry quietly.

The world often celebrates visibility. Relators celebrate connection.

The Strategic Thinker

Then there is Strategic.

Some people see obstacles. Strategic thinkers see options.

They have an uncanny ability to scan a situation and identify pathways that others miss. While others are standing at a crossroads wondering which direction to take, the Strategic thinker has already mapped three possible routes and anticipated the challenges along each one.

It isn't about having all the answers.

It's about seeing possibilities where others see limitations.

The Achiever

If Strategic creates the map, Achiever fuels the journey.

Achievers wake up every day with an internal engine already running. They gain energy from progress. They thrive on movement, accomplishment, and crossing finish lines.

For an Achiever, productivity isn't simply about checking boxes. It is about purpose. There is satisfaction in building, creating, improving, and moving something forward.

Rest can feel uncomfortable because progress feels like home.

Significance

Significance often gets misunderstood.

It is not about seeking attention. It is about wanting work and life to matter.

People with this strength are drawn toward impact. They are motivated by the idea that what they do can leave a mark, influence a life, or create meaningful change.

Mediocrity feels hollow because significance demands purpose.

These are the people who ask, "Why does this matter?" before asking, "What's next?"

Self-Assurance

And then there is Self-Assurance.

This strength carries a quiet confidence. It is the ability to trust one's judgment even when the path ahead is uncertain.

While others may seek constant validation, someone with Self-Assurance listens to their inner compass.

It isn't arrogance.

It is a deep belief that they can navigate whatever comes next.

They may not always know the outcome, but they trust themselves to figure it out.

The Bigger Picture

Watching these strengths come together is like seeing pieces of a puzzle finally fit.

• A person who builds deep relationships.
• A person who sees possibilities.
• A person driven to achieve.
• A person motivated by impact.
• A person who trusts themselves enough to keep moving forward.

Individually, each strength is powerful.

Together, they create a portrait of someone who is deeply connected, purpose-driven, strategic in thought, relentless in action, and confident in execution.

And then comes the realization.

The person being observed isn't someone else.  It's me.

• I am the one who seeks meaningful relationships instead of surface conversations.
• I am the one constantly looking for the next possibility, the next path forward.
• I am the one who wakes up with goals to accomplish and dreams to pursue.
• I am the one who wants my work, my words, and my life to matter.
• I am the one who trusts that even when I don't have all the answers, I can find my way.

These strengths help explain how I move through the world.

But they do not define the limits of who I am.

Because I am a Relator, a Strategic thinker, an Achiever, someone driven by Significance, and someone grounded in Self-Assurance.

And I am so much more.

I am the lessons I've learned, the relationships I've built, the failures I've overcome, the risks I've taken, and the dreams I continue to chase.

StrengthsFinder didn't tell me who I am.

It simply held up a mirror and reflected back some of the qualities that were already there.

The rest of the story is still being written.

Happy Monday all,

-srt

P.S. One of the reasons I love StrengthsFinder is that it doesn't put people in a box... it gives them a framework for understanding how they naturally show up in the world. In my coaching practice, I use StrengthsFinder to help leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals uncover what energizes them, where they create the most value, and how they can lead with greater confidence and authenticity.

Curious how I use StrengthsFinder in coaching? Ask me. I'd love to share how understanding your strengths can transform the way you work, lead, and live.

#StrengthsFinder
#ReaCoachingandConsulting
#CliftonStrengths
#StrengthsBasedLeadership
#StrengthsCoaching
#StrengthsDevelopment
#LeadershipDevelopment
#ExecutiveCoaching
#LeadershipCoach
#ProfessionalDevelopment
#CoachingForSuccess
#PersonalGrowth
#SelfAwareness
#AuthenticLeadership
#GrowthMindset
#PurposeDriven
#Leadership
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#Entrepreneurship
#BusinessGrowth

The Advantage You Already Have

We often spend so much time looking outward for the next skill, strategy, or opportunity that we overlook the strengths that have been with us all along.

Your natural gifts matter. The way you connect with others, navigate challenges, solve problems, lead, create, and persevere are not random traits. They are strengths that make you uniquely you.

This week, instead of asking yourself, "What am I missing?" ask:

"What strengths am I already carrying that I haven't fully embraced?"

The qualities that come naturally to you may be the very things that set you apart. They may be the reason others trust you, seek your guidance, or value your perspective.

Growth is important, but sometimes the next step forward begins with recognizing what is already within you.

Reminder: Your greatest advantage may not be something you need to acquire. It may simply be something you need to acknowledge.

Have a wonderful Monday and an even better week ahead.

-srt 

P.S. Your strengths are not waiting to be discovered. They are waiting to be trusted.  Ask me how I use StrengthsFinders 2.0 in my coaching practice.

#MotivationalMonday #PersonalGrowth #LeadershipDevelopment #StrengthsBasedLeadership #ReaCoachingAndConsulting

Focus Where You Can Make the Greatest Impact

This week, I found myself reflecting on a coaching conversation with an executive navigating significant uncertainty.

Organizational changes, shifting priorities, and external market pressures had created an environment where many important decisions were being made outside of their direct control. As our conversations unfolded, I noticed a familiar pattern. More and more energy was being spent on what was happening to them rather than on where they could create impact.

Sound familiar?

When uncertainty increases, it is natural to focus on circumstances we cannot change. Unfortunately, that focus often leaves us feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and stuck.

One of the most powerful mental models I use with leaders in these moments is the Circle of Control, Influence, and Concern.

The model helps us separate:

Circle of Control
Things we can directly control such as our mindset, actions, choices, habits, and responses.

Circle of Influence
Things we cannot control directly but can impact through relationships, communication, trust, and leadership.

Circle of Concern
Things we care about but cannot control or meaningfully influence.

The breakthrough often comes when leaders stop investing most of their energy in their Circle of Concern and intentionally redirect it toward their Circle of Control and Influence.

A few reflection questions:

• What am I spending too much time and energy worrying about?
• Where do I have more influence than I realize?
• What action can I take today that is fully within my control?
• How can I redirect my focus to create the greatest impact right now?

Leadership is not about controlling outcomes. It is about consistently directing your energy toward the places where you can make the greatest difference.

What would shift for you if you focused less on what is happening around you and more on where you can create impact?  Comments open.  

Happy Thursday all,

-srt

#ThursdayThoughts #LeadershipDevelopment #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipMindset #MentalModels #CircleOfControl #LeadershipGrowth #ProfessionalDevelopment #CoachingTools #ReaCoachingAndConsulting

"Where can I make a difference today?"

Have you ever noticed how quickly your energy can get drained by things you cannot control?

A decision gets made above you. Priorities shift. The market changes. A client says no. Suddenly, your attention is consumed by circumstances you did not create and cannot change.

The truth is, uncertainty is part of leadership and life. But our greatest strength is not found in controlling everything around us. It is found in choosing where we direct our focus.

This week, when you find yourself frustrated or discouraged, pause and ask:

"Where can I make a difference today?"

Even one intentional conversation, one courageous decision, or one meaningful action can create momentum.

You may not control everything happening around you, but you always have the power to choose your next step.

Focus there.

Lead with clarity. Take the next step. Create impact.

Happy Monday all,

-srt

#MotivationalMonday #LeadershipDevelopment #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipMindset #GrowthMindset #ProfessionalDevelopment #Leadership #MindsetMatters #PersonalGrowth #ReaCoachingAndConsulting

Leaders Talk to Each Other, Not Around Each Other

One of the quickest ways to damage trust in any organization, relationship, or team is when people stop talking to each other and start talking around each other.

It happens quietly at first.

A frustrated conversation after a meeting.
A side text message instead of a direct phone call.
A growing list of assumptions that never gets clarified.

Before long, confusion replaces clarity, tension replaces trust, and culture begins to crack under the weight of unresolved conflict.

The truth is this:
Healthy organizations are not built by avoiding hard conversations.
They are built by learning how to have them well.

Whether you lead a business, nonprofit, ministry, team, or family, difficult conversations are unavoidable. The question is not if they will happen. The question is how we choose to handle them.

Real leadership does not recruit allies, fuel division, or create confusion.
Real leadership creates clarity, accountability, emotional safety, and trust.

Why People Avoid Hard Conversations

Most people do not avoid difficult conversations because they are weak or careless. They avoid them because they are uncomfortable.

We fear:

• Being misunderstood
• Hurting someone’s feelings
• Conflict escalating
• Losing relationships
• Looking unkind or confrontational

So instead of addressing the issue directly, people often:

• Vent to others
• Build quiet resentment
• Make assumptions
• Avoid communication entirely
• Use passive-aggressive behavior
• Seek validation instead of resolution

Unfortunately, avoidance rarely protects relationships.
More often, it slowly damages them.

Unspoken tension has a way of leaking into culture, communication, morale, and trust.

Healthy Conversations Require Emotional Intelligence

Emotionally intelligent leaders understand that hard conversations are not about “winning.”

They are about:

• Preserving relationships
• Solving problems
• Creating understanding
• Building trust
• Protecting culture

Healthy communication requires maturity, humility, and intentionality.

And sometimes the most loving thing a leader can do is address the uncomfortable thing directly.

7 Tips for Having Hard but Healthy Conversations

1. Address the Issue Early

The longer tension sits unaddressed, the heavier it becomes.

Small frustrations often become major relational breakdowns simply because no one addressed them early.

Healthy leaders do not wait until anger explodes.
They communicate while the issue is still manageable.

Do not delay difficult conversations hoping problems will disappear on their own.
Most do not.

2. Talk To the Person, Not About the Person

This is where many cultures begin to break down.

When people discuss problems with everyone except the person involved, confusion and division grow quickly.

If you have an issue with someone:

• Speak directly
• Be respectful
• Seek understanding first
• Avoid gathering allies

Direct communication builds trust.
Indirect communication destroys it.

3. Check Your Motives Before the Conversation

Before speaking, ask yourself:

• Am I trying to help or punish?
• Do I want resolution or validation?
• Am I reacting emotionally or responding thoughtfully?
• Am I willing to listen too?

Self-awareness matters.

If your goal is to embarrass, control, or “win,” the conversation will likely become unhealthy before it even begins.

Healthy conversations require healthy intentions.

4. Lead with Curiosity Instead of Assumptions

One of the most dangerous things we can do is assume we fully understand someone else’s motives, thoughts, or intentions.

Often, what we perceive is incomplete.

Instead of leading with accusations, lead with curiosity:

• “Help me understand…”
• “Can we talk about what happened?”
• “I may be misunderstanding this, but…”

Questions create space for dialogue.
Assumptions create defensiveness.

5. Stay Calm and Regulated

Hard conversations become destructive when emotions take control.

Emotionally intelligent leaders learn how to regulate themselves before responding impulsively.

That may mean:

• Pausing before reacting
• Taking a breath
• Waiting until emotions settle
• Choosing words carefully
• Focusing on facts instead of personal attacks

Calm communication creates safety.
Escalation creates fear and defensiveness.

Your tone matters just as much as your words.

6. Focus on the Problem, Not the Person

Healthy accountability is not about attacking character.

It is about addressing behaviors, patterns, expectations, or misunderstandings in a constructive way.

Avoid statements like:

• “You always…”
• “You never…”
• “This is just who you are…”

Instead, focus on specific situations and observable behaviors.

People are more likely to respond positively when they feel respected rather than condemned.

7. Protect the Relationship and the Culture

Every difficult conversation is shaping culture whether we realize it or not.

When leaders avoid problems, tolerate gossip, or communicate indirectly, teams begin to lose trust.

But when leaders model honesty, humility, respect, and accountability, healthy culture grows stronger.

Strong cultures are not conflict-free.
They are communication-rich.

The goal is not perfection.
The goal is trust.

Final Thoughts

Before reacting, pause and ask yourself:

Am I helping solve the problem, or am I becoming part of it?

Leadership is not just about vision, strategy, or influence.
It is also about courage.

The courage to communicate clearly.
The courage to listen humbly.
The courage to address tension directly and respectfully.

Speak directly.
Lead intentionally.
Protect the culture you say you value.

Happy Thursday culture builders,

-srt

Leaders talk to each other, not around each other.

Recently, I found myself caught in the middle of what felt like triangulation and honestly, my first response was reaction instead of reflection. I exploded. But after the emotions settled, I had to reset and ask myself a harder question.

Was this truly triangulation or was I allowing myself to be pulled into unhealthy communication patterns that required clearer boundaries and direct conversation?

That moment reminded me of something important.

Leaders talk to each other, not around each other.

Because when people stop communicating directly, trust erodes, division grows, and culture quietly begins to break down. This happens in friendships, nonprofits, businesses, and leadership teams every single day.

Real leadership does not recruit allies or fuel confusion.
It creates clarity, accountability, and trust.

Before reacting, pause and ask yourself:
Am I helping solve the problem or becoming part of it?

Speak directly.
Lead intentionally.
Protect the culture you say you value.

Happy Monday y’all,

-srt

#MondayMotivation #Leadership #LeadershipMatters #Communication #HealthyCulture #EmotionalIntelligence #Accountability #LeadershipDevelopment #ReaCoachingandConsulting

Coaching Myself Back to Human: The Tools I Used to Return to Myself

Leadership isn’t proven in perfection ... it’s revealed in how we return to ourselves after we break.

And last Friday, I broke.

Not publicly in some dramatic explosion.
Not in a way that made headlines.
But internally, emotionally, spiritually I hit a wall.

What’s humbling is that just one day earlier, I had posted about leadership not being reactive.

Then exhaustion, criticism, emotional overload, and one difficult phone call collided at the exact wrong moment.

And suddenly the coach became the student again.

What this experience reminded me is that emotional intelligence is not about never reacting. It’s about learning how to recognize when you’ve emotionally left the room and finding your way back to yourself with honesty, accountability, and grace.

So how did I coach myself back to human?

Here are the tools that helped me.

1. I Stopped Trying to Be “The Strong One”

One of the coaching tools I constantly teach and had to remind myself of this week is the importance of self-awareness and energy management.

As an introvert, one of the most important things I can do is intentionally set aside time for me.

Quiet time.
Recovery time.
Processing time.
Rest.

But somewhere in the middle of all the leadership responsibilities, the fundraising events, the emotional labor, the networking, and the constant pouring into others… I stopped pouring back into myself.

One of the biggest lies leaders tell themselves is:
“I need to hold it together for everyone else.”

But eventually, emotional suppression becomes emotional exhaustion.

I had been carrying:
• conflict resolution
• organizational pressure
• community expectations
• nonstop events
• leadership visibility
• relationship management
• criticism
• emotional labor

And I never stopped long enough to ask:
“Am I okay?”

Coaching myself back to human started with honesty.

Not polished honesty.
Not leadership statement honesty.
Real honesty.

“I am overwhelmed.”
“I am exhausted.”
“I am hurt.”
“I do not have the emotional capacity I normally do.”

That awareness mattered.

Because you cannot regulate what you refuse to acknowledge.

2. I Remembered My Mom’s Rule

My mom has always said:

“When you’re exhausted, you need to rest. You don’t need to respond to the email. You don’t need to pick up the phone. What you need to do is rest.”

Whew.

That lesson hit differently this week.

Because exhaustion distorts perspective.

When we are depleted:
• criticism feels sharper
• conflict feels heavier
• emotions feel louder
• conversations feel more threatening than they are

And instead of resting, I reacted.

I answered emotionally when I should have paused spiritually.

One of the greatest coaching tools we can learn is this:

Not every emotion deserves immediate action.

Sometimes wisdom looks like silence.
Sometimes leadership looks like waiting.
Sometimes maturity looks like saying:

“I will revisit this conversation when I have rested.”

3. I Practiced Accountability Without Self Destruction

This part matters deeply to me.

I apologized to the people impacted by my emotional reaction.

Not because I’m weak.
Not because I’m taking ownership of everyone else’s behavior.
But because accountability is part of integrity.

I had to own the reality that my reaction became the catalyst for unnecessary confusion and emotional ripple effects.

But I also had to coach myself not to spiral into shame.

And there is a difference.

Healthy accountability says:

“I made a mistake.”

Toxic shame says:

“I am the mistake.”

Those are not the same thing.

As leaders, we have to learn how to take responsibility without emotionally crucifying ourselves in the process.

And you know what?

My beautiful friend sent me this message:

“Everything is good. Don’t worry. Everything will be okay and all of us have our moments. Let’s allow it to bring ourselves closer. Thank you for working it out for me. But I don’t feel like you need to apologize for having a human reaction.”

Wow.

Just typing those words makes me cry.

Why?

Because that was grace.

That was someone choosing compassion over condemnation.
That was someone loving me in the middle of my humanity instead of requiring perfection from me.

And honestly, I think that’s part of the lesson too.

Sometimes the people around us are far more willing to give us grace than we are willing to give ourselves.

As leaders, we often extend understanding to everyone except ourselves.

But healing begins when we finally believe we are worthy of the same compassion we so freely give away.

That moment reminded me that accountability and grace can exist together.

You can own your reaction and still deserve kindness.
You can apologize and still be loved.
You can have a hard moment and still be a good leader.

And maybe that’s what being human really is.

4. I Assumed Good Intentions

This was probably the hardest lesson.

Because when you feel hurt, exposed, or criticized, it’s easy to assign malicious intent to everyone involved.

But after sitting with the situation, I realized something important:

Not everyone who mishandles a moment is trying to harm you.

Sometimes people are simply imperfect humans trying to navigate difficult situations with limited tools.

The friend involved in my vulnerable conversation was not trying to betray me.

She was concerned.
She cared.
She was trying to seek guidance in a moment that felt heavy.

That realization softened me.

And honestly?

It healed something in me too.

One of the greatest emotional intelligence skills we can develop is learning to pause long enough to ask:

“Am I reacting to facts… or to fear?”

5. I Returned to My Identity

At the core of all of this was one final truth:

I had forgotten whose I am.

When criticism gets loud…
When exhaustion takes over…
When leadership pressure builds…
When emotions crack open…

It becomes very easy to root your identity in people’s opinions.  For me, as a Christian, I needed to remember that I am rooted in God’s truth.

So, I had to come back to center.

I am not one emotional moment.
I am not whispers.
I am not gossip.
I am not exhaustion.
I am not failure.

I am a child of God.

Still growing.
Still learning.
Still healing.
Still leading.
Still human.

And maybe that’s the real lesson.

Leadership is not about becoming superhuman.

It’s about learning how to stay human without losing yourself in the process.

Reflection Questions for Leaders

• Where am I emotionally exhausted but pretending I’m okay?
• Have I confused leadership with emotional self-sacrifice?
• Am I reacting from truth or from depletion?
• What conversations need rest before response?
• Where do I need accountability instead of shame?
• Have I assumed malicious intent where there may only be misunderstanding?
• What practices help me return to myself?

Final Reminder

Leadership isn’t proven in perfection.  It’s revealed in how we return to ourselves after we break.

Happy Thursday lovely leaders,

-srt

Tools Referenced in This Coaching Reflection

Emotional Intelligence

• Self awareness
• Emotional regulation
• Reflective processing
• Accountability practices
• Perspective taking
• Assuming good intentions

Leadership Coaching Tools

• Pause before response
• Rest as a leadership strategy
• Identity grounding
• Conflict reflection
• Self coaching questions
• Repair conversations
• Ownership without shame

Personal Leadership Practices

• Quiet time for introverts
• Emotional capacity awareness
• Boundary recognition
• Spiritual grounding
• Rest and recovery
• Journaling and reflection

#Leadership #LeadershipDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfAwareness #AuthenticLeadership #WomenInLeadership #NonprofitLeadership #FaithAndLeadership #GrowthMindset #Accountability #PersonalGrowth #HealingJourney #HumanCenteredLeadership #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipCoach #MindsetShift #EmotionalWellness #MentalHealthAwareness #RestIsProductive #SelfCompassion #AssumeGoodIntentions #PurposeDrivenLeadership #ResilientLeadership #BurnoutRecovery #GraceAndGrowth #ChristianLeadership #IdentityInChrist #StillHuman #ReflectiveLeadership #MondayMotivation #ThursdayThoughts

Remembering Whose I Am

Today, I’m in the house of the Lord remembering whose I am.

I am a child of God.

And honestly? These past three weeks have been a doozy.

I think sometimes people forget that even the strongest leaders are still human. Even the best leaders, when under pressure, under attack, under criticism, can break. We carry vision, responsibility, and the emotional weight of so many people. We coach. We guide. We encourage. We hold the line for others. But sometimes, quietly and privately, we hit our own breaking point.

Friday night, I hit mine.

Over the last several weeks, we were planning a major fundraiser. There were obstacles everywhere. There were difficult conversations, unhealthy communication patterns, and a lot of emotional labor involved in coaching people through conflict while still trying to move the mission forward. At the same time, I’ve been on what feels like a nonstop circuit of fundraisers, events, networking opportunities, and community support efforts.

Part of that is because I genuinely believe in showing up for others.

I’ve wanted to support the nonprofits who supported me during my Lincoln Area Chamber of Commerce board position journey. I’ve wanted to pour back into the organizations and people who have poured into my little nonprofit. I’ve wanted to build bridges, create partnerships, and continue proving that small organizations can still make a meaningful impact.

But somewhere in the middle of all of that, something shifted in me.

I started listening to criticism.

Not constructive criticism. Not the kind that helps you grow stronger or wiser. I’m talking about the kind that comes through third parties. The kind that arrives wrapped in gossip, whispers, and “well, people are saying…” conversations.

Usually, when criticism comes to me about others, I can coach through it. I can redirect it. I can help people see the humanity and value in the person they’re misunderstanding. I remind people about the importance of assuming good intentions.

But this time, the criticism was about me.

And this Gemini cracked.

On my way to yet another fundraiser, I received a phone call that completely overwhelmed me emotionally. And in one raw, exhausted, deeply human moment, my brain simply said:

“I don’t think I want to do this anymore.”

“I think I need to step back.”

“I think I may need to resign.”

Those words were intended for one person. One private moment. One vulnerable conversation.

But words travel.

And before I knew it, my very raw and real human experience had been shared far beyond where I intended it to go.

But I also have to be accountable.

I said the words.

And in my frustration, I unfairly placed weight on my friend when she was simply the messenger trying to navigate a difficult moment with care and concern.

That part matters to me.

Because leadership means owning your humanity just as much as owning your victories.

This week, I had to sit down and coach myself.

Not as a leader.
Not as a nonprofit founder.
Not as someone trying to hold everything together for everybody else.

But as a human being.

After everything unfolded from my emotional outburst, I spent a lot of time reflecting on what actually happened underneath the surface. And the biggest lesson I walked away with was this:

Exhaustion and leadership do not mix well.

My mom has always said something that I now realize is wisdom far beyond simple self-care:

“When you’re exhausted, you need to rest. You don’t need to respond to the email. You don’t need to pick up the phone. What you need to do is rest.”

And honestly?

I forgot that.

I forgot that exhaustion changes how we hear things.
I forgot that emotional depletion lowers our emotional intelligence.
I forgot that when your spirit and mind are already overloaded, one more emotionally charged conversation can feel heavier than it actually is.

What I should have done was pause.

I should have rested.
I should have waited.
I should have allowed myself time before reacting emotionally.

I should have said:
“You know what? Let me process this. I’ll talk directly to that person later.”

Had I done that, so much unnecessary drama could have been avoided.

And I have to own that.

Because while my feelings were real, my reaction became the catalyst for confusion, hurt, and conversations that did not need to unfold the way they did. My emotional moment spread farther than I intended, and people were impacted by it.

So I apologized.

Not because I’m weak.
Not because I’m taking responsibility for everyone else’s actions.
But because accountability matters.

I needed to ask for forgiveness because I understand the ripple effect our words can have when we speak from exhaustion instead of wisdom.

And honestly, that was humbling.

But maybe the deepest reflection in all of this?

Last Thursday, I posted about leadership not being reactive.

And then Friday night, I became reactive.

Whew.

That realization humbled me more than anything else.

Because sometimes God has a way of letting the lesson move from your mouth to your mirror.

It’s easy to speak wisdom when we are rested, grounded, and emotionally regulated. It’s much harder to live it when you are exhausted, overwhelmed, hurt, and carrying too much at once.

But maybe that’s the point.

Leadership isn’t about never failing the lesson.
It’s about recognizing the moment you did, owning it with honesty, and choosing to grow instead of hide.

And honestly? I think that’s where real integrity lives.

Not in perfection.
But in alignment.
In accountability.
In being willing to say:

“I teach this because I’m still learning it too.”

What I’m learning now is that exhaustion will make you question things you were once certain about. Emotional overload will distort your perspective. And when you stop grounding yourself in who God says you are, the voices around you start getting louder than the voice within you.

That’s dangerous.

Because criticism can either sharpen you or shatter you depending on where your identity is rooted.

So today, I’m reminding myself:

I am not the whispers.
I am not the opinions.
I am not one emotional moment.
I am not the projections of other people.

I am a child of God.

Still growing.
Still learning.
Still healing.
Still leading.

Still human.

And maybe this season wasn’t meant to destroy me.
Maybe it was meant to reveal where I had forgotten myself.

And God is not intimidated by my humanity.

Happy Monday all,

-srt

Leadership Is Not About the Noise

Leadership is getting a lot of attention lately but not all of it reflects what leadership actually requires.

It is easy to point fingers and demand action from the sidelines. It is harder to recognize context, responsibility, and timing.

The truth is, leadership is not about rushing into every fire especially the ones someone else lit.

As Stephen Covey said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Real leadership starts with clarity not reaction.

John Maxwell reminds us, “A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” That does not mean inserting yourself into chaos you did not create. It means guiding people forward with intention and integrity.

And do not even get me started on emotional intelligence and leadership.

Self-awareness means understanding your role in a situation.
Self-regulation means not reacting just because others demand it.
Social awareness means recognizing what people actually need not what creates headlines.
Responsible leadership means choosing responses that move people forward not deeper into division.

I recently asked two leaders a simple question. Looking back, knowing what you know now, what would you change.

One said nothing.
One said everything.

That difference says a lot.

Leadership is not about defending every past decision or positioning yourself as a victim of circumstances. It is about learning, adjusting, and growing. It is about having the humility to say I would do this differently and the courage to do better next time.

When children are involved especially in situations as serious as threats the priority should be safety, truth, and stability. Not political theater. Not misplaced blame.

Leadership is also discernment. Knowing when to step in and when stepping in would only make things worse.

It is not about optics.
It is about outcomes.

It is not about who reacts first.
It is about who helps a community move forward.

We should be asking better questions. Who created the situation. Who escalated it. And who is actually working toward resolution.

Because real leadership is not loud. It is steady. It is thoughtful. And it is focused on what comes next not just what makes noise today.

Have a beautiful Thursday all,

-srt

Discover Your Superpowers: Why StrengthsFinder Is More Than Just Another Personality Assessment

What if the key to greater success, fulfillment, and confidence isn't fixing your weaknesses, but understanding your strengths?

That's the idea behind StrengthsFinder 2.0, the groundbreaking assessment developed by Gallup and popularized by Tom Rath. Since its release, millions of people have used StrengthsFinder (now called CliftonStrengths) to discover their natural talents and learn how to leverage them in their careers, leadership roles, relationships, and everyday lives.

What Is StrengthsFinder?

StrengthsFinder is an online assessment designed to identify your natural patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving. Rather than focusing on what you're not good at, it highlights what you naturally do best.

The assessment identifies your top talent themes from a list of 34 strengths, including themes like Achiever, Strategic, Relator, Learner, Communication, and Responsibility.

The philosophy is simple:

People grow the most when they focus on developing their strengths rather than obsessing over their weaknesses.

When you understand your strengths, you can:

• Make better career decisions
• Become a more effective leader
• Improve communication and relationships
• Build confidence in your unique abilities
• Increase engagement and satisfaction at work
• Create greater alignment between who you are and what you do

Where Can You Buy StrengthsFinder 2.0?

You can purchase StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath from most major booksellers, including:

• Amazon
• Barnes & Noble
• Local independent bookstores
• Gallup's online store

If you're purchasing a new copy, make sure it includes an unused access code. The access code is what allows you to take the online assessment.

If you're buying a used copy, the code has likely already been redeemed, and you'll need to purchase a new assessment directly through Gallup.

How to Take the Assessment

Once you have your access code, the process is simple:

Step 1: Create Your Gallup Account

Visit Gallup's CliftonStrengths website and create an account.

Step 2: Enter Your Access Code

Use the unique code provided with your book or assessment purchase.

Step 3: Complete the Assessment

The assessment consists of paired statements where you'll select which statement best describes you.

A few tips:

• Answer quickly and honestly.
• Don't overthink your responses.
• Choose what feels most natural, not what you think you should do.
• Trust your instincts.

Most people complete the assessment in about 30–45 minutes.

Step 4: Review Your Results

After completing the survey, you'll receive your Top 5 Strengths Themes.

Many people are surprised by their results. Others feel like someone finally handed them a user manual for themselves.

Either way, the insights can be powerful.

Why Your Results Matter

The real value isn't simply knowing your Top 5 strengths.

The value comes from understanding:

• What those strengths look like in action
• How they influence your decision-making
• How they affect your leadership style
• How they impact your relationships
• How to intentionally develop them

Too often, people receive their results, read the descriptions once, and file them away.

That's like getting a map to a treasure chest and never taking the journey.

Your strengths are not labels.

They are tools.

And when you learn how to use those tools effectively, they can transform the way you work, lead, and live.

The Power of Strengths-Based Living

Imagine spending more time operating in areas where you naturally excel.

Imagine understanding why certain tasks energize you while others drain you.

Imagine leading from confidence instead of comparison.

That's what strengths-based development is all about.

It's not about becoming someone else.

It's about becoming more of who you already are.

Because the world doesn't need another copy of someone else.

It needs the best version of you.

Happy Thursday all,

-srt

P.S. Taking the assessment is just the beginning. Understanding what your strengths mean, and how to put them to work in your career, leadership, business, and life, is where the real transformation happens.

If you've taken StrengthsFinder (CliftonStrengths) and would like help interpreting your results, identifying your unique patterns, or creating a strengths-based growth plan, I'd love to help. Together, we can turn those insights into action and help you leverage your natural talents for greater success, confidence, and fulfillment.

Ready to put your strengths to work? Let's talk.