You Don’t Have to Keep Defending Who You Are

I’ve been thinking about how exhausting it is to constantly defend who you are.

    “I didn’t mean that.”

        “That isn’t what happened.”

            “I do care.”

                “I haven’t abandoned you.”

                    “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

                        “I’ve already explained this.”

At first, you think if you can just find the right words, the other person will understand.

So you explain.

Then you explain your explanation.

You reassure.

You apologize for what actually belongs to you.

You try to clear up the misunderstanding.

You give grace.

And then somehow you find yourself right back at the beginning, defending your heart, your intentions and eventually your character.

Here is something I am learning:

Not every accusation requires a defense.

Sometimes you have explained enough.

Sometimes the other person’s version of you is simply not yours to fix.

You can listen to someone’s pain without accepting responsibility for all of it.

You can acknowledge someone’s feelings without agreeing with their accusations.

You can own your mistakes without accepting a character someone else has assigned to you.

And you can stop participating in conversations that require you to continually prove that you are a good person.

That isn’t avoiding accountability.

Sometimes it is recognizing that accountability has already happened, but the conversation keeps going.

There comes a point when you have to know yourself well enough to say:

• I know my heart.
• I know what I have done.
• I know what I have apologized for.
• I know what I can do differently.
• And I also know what does not belong to me.

That last one matters.

Because carrying someone else’s anger, disappointment, assumptions or pain will eventually become very heavy.

You can care about someone and put it down.

You can wish them healing and put it down.

You can forgive and put it down.

You can love someone and still decide that you will no longer participate in a conversation that is hurting you.

This Week’s Reminder

You do not have to keep defending who you are to someone committed to misunderstanding you.

Know yourself.

Own what is yours.

Make amends when necessary.

Then give yourself permission to put down what was never yours to carry.

Happy Monday, friends.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

srt

#MondayMotivation #KnowYourWorth #HealthyBoundaries #ProtectYourPeace #SelfWorth #EmotionalWellness #PersonalGrowth #LeadWithStrength #LiveWithPurpose

The Gift I Never Learned

💛 Vulnerability Alert

Before we finish our coffee together today, I want to tell you a story about my sister.

For as long as I can remember, I've admired orchids.

I've also killed every flippin' one I've ever owned.

For nearly thirty years, whenever someone gave me an orchid, I'd admire it for a few days...

...and then I'd quietly take it to my sister.

Not because I didn't love it.

Because I already knew how the story would end if it stayed with me.

    I'd water it.

        I'd move it to the perfect window.

            I'd follow every instruction she gave me.

                I'd even talk to it.

The leaves stayed green.

        The plant survived.

            But it never bloomed again.

Then my sister would take that very same orchid home.

A few months later...

It would be covered in blooms.

Every. Single. Time.

It amazed me.

Especially because I have a green thumb.

My vegetable garden thrives.

Our orchard blesses us every year.

The flowers around my office seem perfectly happy.

But orchids?

Not a chance.

For years I thought it was a mystery.

Lately, I've realized it was a lesson.

Some gifts simply weren't meant to be mine.

And that's okay.

Somehow, we've convinced ourselves that success means becoming good at everything.

But what if success looks more like recognizing the gifts we've been given...

...and celebrating the gifts we've been given in someone else?

My sister had a gift.

She could bring orchids back to life.

I couldn't.

Instead of trying to become her...

I learned to admire her.

Today, I think that's one of the greatest forms of love.

Not competition.

Celebration.

She never made me feel less because I couldn't grow orchids.

She simply smiled, took them home, and returned them to the world more beautiful than before.

Looking back...

I realize she was doing the same thing with people.

She had a way of helping others bloom.

And what a gift that was.

Gosh, I miss her so very much. 

Coffee Conversation

Before we finish our coffee together...

Can I leave you with one question?

Whose gift have you been quietly admiring instead of celebrating?

Tell them.

The world has enough comparison.

It can always use more encouragement.

This Week's Reminder

You don't have to possess every gift to appreciate its beauty.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is celebrating someone else's.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

-srt

#ThursdayThoughts
#LiveWithPurpose
#ChooseJoy
#PersonalGrowth
#Gratitude
#CelebrateOthers
#ReaCoachingandConsulting

Living a Beautiful Life

Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing we had to be good at everything.

• The perfect employee.
• The perfect parent.
• The perfect leader.
• The perfect friend.
• The perfect cook.
• The perfect gardener.

The perfect...

        Everything.

If I'm honest, I've spent seasons of my life trying to become someone who could do it all.

The older I get, the more I'm realizing something.

I don't have to be good at everything to live a beautiful life.

I can celebrate the people who are gifted where I'm not.

I can ask for help.

I can admire someone else's talent without questioning my own.

I can stop trying to become everything and start becoming the person God created me to be.

There's a strange kind of freedom in that.

Because when we stop measuring ourselves by everything we aren't...

We finally have room to appreciate everything we are.

This Week's Reminder

You don't have to be good at everything to live a beautiful life.

Happy Monday, friends.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

-srt

#MotivationalMonday #Leadership #Growth #LiveWithPurpose #ReaCoachingandConsulting

The Sweetness of Waiting

I've been thinking about our conversation on Monday.

About the pear trees.

All week I've been helping graduate students put the finishing touches on their final projects.

There's a certain excitement that comes with watching people realize how much they've learned.

It's easy to focus on the finished project.

• The presentation.
• The grade.
• The accomplishment.

But those moments only exist because of months of steady work.

Then I walked through the orchard again.

The pears are still hanging from the branches.

They're close.

But they're not ready.

And that's exactly how they're supposed to be.

No one gets frustrated with a pear for taking its time.

No one stands beneath the tree shouting, "Come on! Hurry up!"

We understand that fruit ripens according to nature's timeline.

So why are we so impatient with ourselves?

Why do we expect healing to happen overnight?

Confidence to appear instantly?

Dreams to unfold according to our schedule?

As a coach, I often meet people who feel discouraged because they believe they should be further along by now.

Maybe you've felt that way too.

But what if your life isn't behind?

What if you're simply still ripening?

Growth isn't always visible.

    Sometimes it's happening quietly beneath the surface.

        Sometimes it's happening while no one else notices.

            Sometimes the waiting is doing as much work as the growing.

Coffee Conversation

Before we finish our coffee together...

Can I leave you with one question?

What in your life are you trying to harvest before it's had time to ripen?

Sit with that.

Maybe the waiting isn't delaying your story.

Maybe it's preparing it.

This Week's Reminder

The sweetest fruit is rarely the first to ripen.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

-srt

#ThursdayThoughts #Leadership #Growth #LiveWithPurpose #ReaCoachingandConsulting

Ripening Takes Time

This week is the final week of my graduate Project Management course at Jessup University.

My office has been filled with project plans, executive status reports, final presentations, and students putting the finishing touches on months of hard work.

It's one of my favorite weeks of the semester because I get to watch confidence replace uncertainty.

Between meetings and grading, I stepped outside for a walk through our orchard.

The pears are almost ready.

        Almost.

            Not quite.

It struck me that no one stands in an orchard demanding the fruit hurry up.

It ripens when it's ready.

    Patiently.

        Quietly.

            Exactly as it was created to do.

                Maybe we're not so different.

We spend so much time wishing we were further along that we forget growth has its own timeline.

Some lessons can't be rushed.

Some dreams need another season.

Some parts of us are still quietly ripening.

This Week's Reminder

Don't mistake "not yet" for "not ever." Some of the sweetest things in life simply take time.

Happy Monday, friends.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

-srt

#MotivationalMonday #Leadership #Growth #LiveWithPurpose #ReaCoachingandConsulting

The Things We Miss When We Rush

I've been thinking about our conversation on Monday.

About the female praying mantis who unexpectedly became part of my morning.

I've smiled every time I've walked past that spot in my wildflower garden this week, wondering if she's still there... quietly doing exactly what I asked her to do.

"Eat all the buggies."

It's funny what stays with us.

But what has stayed with me isn't really the praying mantis.

It's the realization that I almost missed her completely.

Had I been thinking about my to do list...

    Checking my phone...

        Listening to a podcast...

            Or hurrying to the next thing...

                I would have watered the flowers and walked away.

Instead, I noticed.

And noticing changed my morning.

It made me wonder...

How much of life are we missing simply because we're moving too fast?

Our world has become incredibly loud.

• Notifications.
• Meetings.
• Podcasts.
• Social media.
• Opinions.
• Constant movement.

We've become so accustomed to noise that silence almost feels uncomfortable.

Yet I've come to believe silence isn't the problem.

It's the invitation.

Because solitude and loneliness are not the same thing.

Loneliness is feeling disconnected.

Solitude is choosing to reconnect.

Some of the most important conversations you'll ever have won't happen with another person.

They'll happen with yourself.

They begin with questions like...

• Who am I becoming?
• What matters most to me right now?
• What have I been too busy to notice?

Those answers rarely arrive while we're rushing through another day.

They emerge when we become quiet enough to hear them.

Coffee Conversation

Before we finish our coffee together...

Can I leave you with just one question?

What have you been moving too quickly to notice?

Maybe it's someone who needs your attention.

    Maybe it's a dream you've quietly set aside.

        Maybe it's your own heart asking for a little breathing room.

This week, don't try to fill every quiet moment.

Protect one.

You never know what you might discover.

This Week's Reminder

The things that matter most are rarely the loudest.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

-srt

P.S.

As this publishes, my husband and I are celebrating another wedding anniversary.

We were married in 1994, and if there's one thing these past 32 years have taught me, it's that the best relationships don't just survive change... they grow through it.

He's known every version of me.

The young woman just beginning her career.

The wife.

The mom.

The executive.

The coach.

The professor.

The nonprofit leader.

And the woman who is still becoming.

Through every season, he has loved me while I was growing, changing, succeeding, failing, questioning, grieving, healing, and finding my way.

He has celebrated my springs, carried me through my winters, believed in me during the in-between seasons, and somehow loved every version of the woman I was becoming.

Maybe that's one more reason I believe so deeply in honoring every season of life.

Because the right people don't just celebrate us when we're blooming.

They love us while our roots are growing.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

Thank you for believing in me, for giving me the freedom to become who God created me to be, and for choosing me through every season.

I still choose you.

I love you,

- ReaGrl (that Gemini girl with the rose colored glasses)

#ThursdayThoughts #Leadership #Growth #LiveWithPurpose #ReaCoachingandConsulting

Make Room for Quiet

One of my favorite parts of the day happens before the world fully wakes up.

Coffee in hand (or Monster, sorry Mom).

A quiet walk through the garden.

Eire exploring every interesting smell she can find and secretly stealing tomatos.

Lola, of course, watching all of us as if she's supervising the entire operation.

Nothing remarkable is happening.

And somehow...

Yesterday morning, I was watering my wildflower garden when something unexpected happened.

I discovered a female praying mantis.

As the water splashed over her, she stopped what she was doing and began carefully cleaning her eyes.

I felt terrible.

Apparently, I had interrupted her morning.

So I held out my hand.

To my surprise, she climbed right on.

For a few quiet moments, we simply looked at each other.

I thanked her for visiting.

Then I told her, "Now get to work. Eat all the buggies."

I also promised her that if she blessed my garden with an egg case this fall, I'd protect it with my life.

As I walked away, I realized something.

That tiny moment would have never happened if I had been rushing.

    If I had been checking my phone.

        If I had been thinking about the next meeting.

            It happened because I was present.

Our world is incredibly loud.

Sometimes we think we need another podcast, another meeting, another opinion, another notification.

Maybe what we really need is a few quiet moments to notice what's been there all along.

This Week's Reminder

When you slow down, you don't miss life. You finally begin to notice it.

Happy Monday, friends.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

-srt

#MotivationalMonday #Leadership #LiveWithPurpose #Nature #Mindfulness #ReaCoachingandConsulting