I’ve been thinking about this one lately.
And it’s a touchy one.
Probably because I’ve experienced it.
I’ve watched it happen.
And, if I’m being completely transparent, I’ve participated in it a time or two myself.
I’m not proud of that. But I’m wiser now…and I see it differently.
Workplace or nonprofit politics rarely arrive with an invitation that says, “Would you like to participate in some unnecessary drama?”
They arrive disguised as friendship.
“Just so you know…”
“I just need to vent, you don’t mind do you?”
“You’ll figure her out eventually…”
And before we know it, someone else’s experience quietly becomes our opinion.
I’ve done this.
Someone I trusted told me about their experience with another person…and without even realizing it, I started looking at that person differently.
Normal interactions suddenly seemed suspicious.
A short email felt rude.
A disagreement felt personal.
I started noticing things that supported the story I had already been told.
But here’s the question I wish I had asked sooner:
What if their relationship with that person has absolutely nothing to do with mine?
That’s a bigger leadership lesson than it might appear.
Because it takes very little courage to join a side.
Belonging feels good.
And when someone we like doesn’t like someone else, agreeing with them can almost feel like loyalty.
I understand that.
But I’ve learned that loyalty shouldn’t require surrendering my own judgment.
I can believe that someone I care about had a difficult experience without deciding the other person must now become my enemy.
Both things can be true:
“I believe you.”
And…
“I’m going to allow my own relationship with that person to develop independently.”
I think that’s emotional maturity.
And I think it’s especially important for leaders.
Imagine becoming a manager and inheriting a team where everyone has already told you who the “difficult employee” is.
Do you accept the label?
Or do you get curious?
Imagine hearing that another department is impossible to work with.
Do you repeat the story?
Or do you walk across the organizational aisle and build a relationship yourself?
Imagine someone you’ve trusted for years telling you that another colleague can’t be trusted.
Do you automatically accept the verdict?
Or do you remember that every relationship has its own history…and you weren’t there for all of it?
Great leaders don’t outsource their judgment.
They listen.
They observe.
They ask questions.
And then they make up their own minds.
I’ve also learned something else along the way…
Today’s organizational chart is not tomorrow’s organizational chart.
The colleague everyone complains about may become a department head.
The employee being left out of conversations may become your biggest advocate.
The person nobody thinks has influence may quietly become one of the most influential people in the organization.
And yes…the person your work friend considers an enemy today could eventually become your boss.
But the older and wiser I get, the less I think this is about protecting your career.
It’s about protecting your character.
That’s the part that matters most to me now.
Who do I want to be when gossip starts?
Who am I when someone I trust hands me information that could change how I see another human being?
Do I carry it?
Add to it?
Pass it along?
Do I start treating someone differently because of a conflict that wasn’t even mine?
Or can I listen with compassion without becoming another soldier in a battle that was never mine?
There is enormous freedom in being able to say:
I don’t need an enemy just because you have one.
I wish I had understood that sooner.
And to be clear, this does NOT mean ignoring harassment, discrimination, unethical behavior, bullying, or legitimate workplace concerns. Those things should be taken seriously and handled appropriately.
I’m talking about the everyday stuff.
Grudges.
Personality conflicts.
Old disagreements.
Bruised egos.
Political alliances.
The things that can quietly consume workplaces and nonprofits if we let them.
I’ve learned that I don’t have to participate.
I can be kind without choosing sides.
I can disagree with someone without campaigning against them.
I can support a friend without inheriting their resentment.
And I can walk into every professional relationship willing to discover who that person is with me.
Maybe one of the most underrated signs of maturity at work is realizing this:
Nobody else gets to decide who I respect, who I speak to, or who I’m willing to understand.
Listen.
Pay attention.
Use your judgment.
Then build your own relationships.
Because other people’s politics don’t have to become yours.
I know I haven’t always gotten this right.
But I know better now.
And one of the questions I try to come back to is this:
Before I inherit someone else’s opinion of a person…what has my own experience actually shown me?
Sometimes the answer tells me everything I need to know.
Happy Thursday all,
srt
#ThursdayThoughts #Leadership #WorkplaceCulture #EmotionalIntelligence #ProfessionalDevelopment #LeadershipDevelopment #ReaCoachingandConsulting
