The Toxic Trap of Triangulation: Why It Kills Trust and Breaks Teams Apart

In the intricate web of human relationships, both personal and professional, one behavior quietly erodes trust, destroys morale, and fragments teams: triangulation. While the term may sound clinical, its impact is far from abstract. Triangulation is the act of involving a third party in a conflict or issue between two people, often as a way to avoid direct confrontation or accountability.

If left unchecked, triangulation can undermine the foundation of any team. Here’s how it works, why it’s so harmful, and how to address it.

What is Triangulation?

Triangulation occurs when Person A, instead of addressing an issue directly with Person B, pulls in Person C as a go-between or ally. It might look like venting to a coworker about another teammate instead of discussing the issue with that teammate directly. It might also involve escalating a problem to leadership without first seeking resolution with the involved party.

While it may seem harmless—after all, seeking validation or advice feels natural—triangulation creates unnecessary complexity and conflict.

Why Triangulation Kills Trust

1. Erodes Psychological Safety
   Teams thrive on open communication and psychological safety—the belief that one can speak openly without fear of ridicule or backlash. Triangulation signals to others that problems won’t be handled with integrity, making people hesitant to speak up.

2. Fuels Gossip and Distrust
   When issues are funneled through third parties, they often morph into gossip. People begin to wonder: What’s being said about me behind my back? This undermines trust not just between the original parties, but across the entire team.

3. Blocks Conflict Resolution
   Healthy teams embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth. Triangulation short-circuits this process, turning productive conflict into festering resentment. Problems linger unresolved, and relationships deteriorate.

4. Creates Sides and Cliques
   Triangulation often leads to "us vs. them" dynamics, where people align with one party or another. This fractures the team into factions, eroding collaboration and unity.

How to Break the Triangulation Cycle

1. Encourage Direct Communication
   Foster a culture where addressing issues head-on is not just encouraged, but expected. Provide training on giving and receiving feedback to empower your team with the tools they need for productive conversations.

2. Model Healthy Conflict Resolution
   Leaders set the tone for how conflict is managed. Avoid becoming the third point in a triangle by asking, “Have you spoken with them about this directly?” and redirecting conversations back to the source of the issue.

3. Build Accountability
   Accountability is the antidote to triangulation. Teams must hold one another responsible for addressing problems transparently. This includes creating safe spaces for dialogue and establishing clear expectations for behavior.

4. Use Mediation Wisely
   Mediation should be a last resort, not the first step. When it’s needed, approach it with neutrality and focus on collaboration, not blame.

The Costs of Allowing Triangulation

Triangulation isn’t just a communication breakdown—it’s a cultural issue. It drives talented people to disengage, lowers productivity, and chips away at the team’s sense of purpose. Over time, its effects are cumulative and toxic, creating a workplace where people feel isolated and undervalued.

Triangulation Has No Place on Winning Teams

Strong teams are built on trust, direct communication, and a shared commitment to solving problems together. When triangulation creeps in, it acts as a silent saboteur, dismantling the bonds that hold teams together.

By addressing triangulation head-on, leaders can cultivate an environment where trust flourishes, accountability is the norm, and teams work cohesively toward shared goals.

In the end, the key to breaking the triangulation trap is simple: say what needs to be said to the person who needs to hear it. Directness isn’t just the antidote to triangulation—it’s the foundation of trust.