Agree to disagree, but I believe that genuine conversation has become a rare skill. Whether you're networking at a professional event or catching up with friends, the ability to engage in meaningful conversation can open doors, build relationships, and even spark new ideas. Inspired by Celeste Headlee's TED Talk on how to have better conversations, here are ten actionable tips to help anyone become a more effective and engaging conversationalist.
1. Listen More Than You Speak
It might sound counterintuitive, but the key to a great
conversation isn’t in what you say, but in how well you listen. Give your full
attention to the person speaking, resist the urge to interrupt, and listen to
understand, not just to respond.
2. Don’t Multitask
When you're in a conversation, be fully present.
Multitasking—whether it's checking your phone or letting your mind
wander—distracts you and diminishes the quality of the interaction. Commit to
the moment and the person you’re speaking with.
3. Don’t Pontificate
Avoid lectures and one-sided opinions. Keep an open mind and
be willing to engage with new ideas. A conversation should be a two-way
exchange, where both parties feel heard and respected.
4. Use Open-Ended Questions
Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a
simple "yes" or "no," ask open-ended questions that invite
deeper responses. For example, instead of asking, "Did you like the
event?" try, "What did you think of the event?"
5. Go with the Flow
Be adaptable and allow the conversation to evolve naturally.
If the other person brings up a new topic, don't feel the need to steer the
conversation back to your original point. Embrace the spontaneity and see where
it leads.
6. If You Don’t Know, Say So
It’s okay not to have all the answers. If you don’t know
something, admit it. This honesty builds trust and shows that you're open to
learning from others.
7. Don’t Equate Your Experience with Theirs
Avoid the temptation to compare your experiences to those of
others. Each person’s story is unique, and drawing comparisons can make the
conversation feel competitive rather than collaborative. Instead, focus on
understanding their perspective.
8. Try Not to Repeat Yourself
Repeating the same points over and over can make a
conversation feel stagnant. If you find yourself reiterating, it might be a
sign to move on to a new topic or ask the other person for their thoughts.
9. Stay Out of the Weeds
Details can be important, but don’t get bogged down in them.
Focus on the big picture and the core of what you want to communicate. Too many
specifics can overwhelm or bore your conversation partner.
10. Be Brief
Time is valuable, and brevity is a sign of respect for the other person’s time. Make your points concisely and clearly, allowing space for the conversation to flow naturally.
Conversation is an art, and like any skill, it can be
developed with practice. By applying these ten tips, anyone can become a better
conversationalist, capable of engaging others in meaningful, impactful
dialogue. Whether in personal or professional settings, these principles will
help you connect more deeply with others, fostering relationships built on
understanding, respect, and shared experiences.
If you want to learn more, check out Celeste
Headlee's insightful TED Talk here.
It's a treasure trove of wisdom on how to have conversations that truly matter.
Happy Thursday all,
-srt
REFERENCE
Headlee, Celeste. 2015. 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation. TEDxCreativeCoast.
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