Thursday, September 25, 2025

From Certainty to Curiosity: How We Unlock Innovation and Connection

Now that I am retired, I give myself 30 minutes on Thursday mornings to read through LinkedIn and catch up on the lives and work of my professional friends.

One dear friend has been digging deeply into the Torah and writing about her learnings. Miriam is a Jewish scholar, and her posts always compel me to reflect and ponder.

Last week, she ended her post with a question that stayed with me:

“What would it look like if we approached difficult questions with curiosity instead of certainty?”

It is a question I have been asking for the past year and one that I often bring into my coaching engagements.

So, let’s begin with why curiosity matters. Then, I’ll share a few frameworks you can use to cultivate curiosity and spark innovation in your own life, community, nonprofit, or profession. 

Why Curiosity Matters

Certainty can make us feel safe, but it often builds walls. Curiosity, however, builds bridges. It allows us to sit in complexity, to listen more deeply, and to move toward understanding instead of division.

  • In our personal lives, curiosity helps us pause before reacting and ask what someone else might be experiencing.
  • In communities, it creates common ground even when values diverge.
  • In nonprofits, curiosity reframes obstacles as opportunities for creativity.
  • In education, it teaches students that questions themselves are powerful tools for growth.

Curiosity does not undermine expertise. Instead, it enriches our wisdom with openness, empathy, and humility.

Frameworks That Encourage Curiosity and Innovation

If we want to move from certainty to curiosity, we need practical ways to practice it. 

Here are five frameworks that I have used in my life, professional and personal, that you can use to guide you:

1. Beginner’s Mind

Drawn from Zen philosophy, shoshin invites us to approach each situation as if we are seeing it for the first time.

  • Ask: What is possible here that I have not considered?
  • Ask: What might someone with a different perspective notice?

Application: Invite new voices into discussions. Fresh eyes often see what experts miss.

2. Appreciative Inquiry

Instead of asking, “What is broken?” Appreciative Inquiry asks:

  • What is working well?
  • What gives life to this system, team, or community?
  • How might we build on these strengths?

Application: Nonprofits can reframe scarcity into innovation by focusing on where creativity is already thriving.

3. The 5 Whys

By asking “Why?” five times, we move beyond surface answers and discover root causes.

Application: An educator might ask why a student is disengaged, peeling back assumptions until they uncover real needs.

4. Design Thinking

This problem-solving process centers curiosity and empathy:

  1. Empathize
  2. Define
  3. Ideate
  4. Prototype
  5. Test

Application: A nonprofit can co-create solutions by involving the community it serves in every stage of the design.

5. The “Yes, And” Mindset

Borrowed from improv, “Yes, And” builds on ideas rather than shutting them down.

Application: In team brainstorming, replace “Yes, but…” with “Yes, and…” to expand creativity and inclusion.

Creating a Culture of Curiosity

Curiosity flourishes where it is safe to wonder, safe to question, and even safe to fail. Leaders, educators, and changemakers can cultivate this by:

  • Admitting when they do not know.
  • Rewarding questions as much as answers.
  • Creating space for reflection, not just execution.
  • Practicing empathy and seeking first to understand.

The Invitation

As Miriam’s post reminded me, the divides in our communities, workplaces, and world will not be bridged by doubling down on certainty. They will be bridged when we step into dialogue with curiosity.

Certainty builds walls. Curiosity builds bridges. And on those bridges, transformation, innovation, and hope are born.

So the next time you face a difficult question, pause. Instead of rushing to certainty, lean into curiosity. That is where change begins.

Wrap Up

So, I will end where I began .... with Miriam's question:

Where in your life, community, nonprofit, or profession can you replace certainty with curiosity this week?

Happy Thursday all,

-srt

P.S. How can I help?  In my coaching and consulting work, I help leaders and teams move from certainty to curiosity. Together, we create cultures where asking better questions unlocks innovation, deepens trust, and builds stronger connections.

If you or your team are ready to embrace curiosity as a catalyst for growth, I would love to partner with you. Let’s explore how we can shift conversations, bridge divides, and spark new possibilities.


Thursday, September 18, 2025

When an Emmy Led Me Somewhere I Did Not Expect

The other night I watched a young man, Owen Cooper, walk across the Emmy stage to accept an award for his role in Adolescence. I had not seen the show but the way the crowd reacted made me curious. Curiosity can be a gift but sometimes it takes you places you do not expect.

I pressed play on Adolescence and from the very first scene I was uncomfortable. The tone was raw, unfiltered, and unapologetically masculine in ways that felt jarring. By the time I reached the end I realized my discomfort was not just about the acting or the story. It was about the world the show was pointing toward. At that point I still could not name it.

It was only later that I learned more about what I had stumbled into: the manosphere and incel culture. Before this I honestly had no idea these communities even existed. What I discovered is a cluster of online spaces built around ideas of masculinity, power, and gender dynamics. It is a world where certain beliefs are reinforced through repetition, memes, and yes emojis.

I had always thought emojis were playful add ons to texts: a smiley face to soften a sentence, a heart to show appreciation, a flame to hype up a friend. But inside the manosphere and incel forums emojis become something else entirely. They are signals, shorthand for beliefs, and sometimes weapons of mockery.

Here are some of the most common ones:

  • πŸ’ͺ does not just mean strength, it stands for alpha masculinity.
  • πŸŸ₯ is not just a red square, it is the red pill, a badge of awakening to the so called truth about women.
  • πŸ”΅ is the blue pill, used to mock anyone who is seen as naΓ―ve or brainwashed.
  • 🀑 is shorthand for clown world, a dismissal of feminism or social progress as ridiculous.
  • πŸ‘‘ instead of admiration is often used sarcastically, as if to say all women think they are queens.
  • 🚩 does not just mean warning, it gets slapped on almost anything women do that men in these groups dislike.
  • 🐍 is used to paint women as deceptive or untrustworthy.
  • πŸ’ is shorthand for branch swinging, the idea that women move from man to man without loyalty.
  • πŸ†πŸ’¦ goes from a silly symbol for flirting to a crude brag about sexual conquest.
  • πŸ’… becomes a way to mock women as vain or shallow.
  • πŸ’€ is especially common in incel spaces, used to express despair, nihilism, or even hopelessness about life and relationships.
  • πŸͺ¦ pushes it further, a tombstone symbol used when fatalism or self hatred takes over.
  • πŸ’―πŸ”₯80/20 references the belief that 80 percent of women are attracted to the top 20 percent of men, often paired with symbols of strength or sexual appeal.

What struck me most is how these communities take something as universal as emojis, symbols meant to connect us, and twist them into coded language that reinforces division.

Watching Adolescence felt like peeking behind a curtain. It showed me not just a performance worthy of an Emmy but an unsettling mirror of a culture I did not know enough about. By the time I finished I realized that my initial discomfort was the point. The show, intentionally or not, pushed me into a conversation I had been only vaguely aware of.

And here is the thing: once you see it you cannot unsee it. Emojis, television scripts, social media posts, they are not just harmless background noise. They are often part of a larger language, one that reveals how people see themselves and others.

I started with curiosity about a performance. I ended with curiosity about a subculture. And now I am left with the reminder that stories, whether told on a stage, a screen, or in a string of emojis, always mean more than they seem at first glance. For parents especially, this is a reminder to pay attention to the digital worlds your kids move through, because sometimes what looks like a harmless symbol is actually carrying a much heavier message. That awareness matters, because the same coded language that fuels online bonding can also fuel online bullying and harassment.

More than anything, I see this as a cautionary tale. The manosphere and its darker corners like incel culture are not just abstract internet trends, they can have devastating consequences for impressionable young men and for the families who love them. Recognizing the signs early and talking openly about them is one of the most important ways we can help protect the next generation.

Uncomfortable Thursday all,

-srt


Thursday, September 11, 2025

When the Fire Isn’t Yours to Put Out: Dealing with Misdirected Rage and Protecting Your Sanity

We’ve all been there...caught in the crossfire of someone else’s anger that has nothing to do with us. Maybe it’s a partner snapping after a long day, a coworker venting frustration in your direction, or a friend lashing out when they’re really upset about something else entirely.

When rage is misdirected, it can feel personal, confusing, and even a little crazy-making. But here’s the truth: just because someone throws fire your way doesn’t mean you have to catch it.

What Is Misdirected Rage?

Misdirected rage happens when someone takes out their anger or frustration on an innocent party usually because the real source of their anger feels too risky, complicated, or buried to confront directly. It’s often unconscious. But just because they don’t mean to direct their fire at you doesn’t mean it’s okay—or that you have to absorb it.

The Emotional Toll

Being on the receiving end of misdirected anger can:

  • Damage your self-esteem
  • Leave you feeling confused or guilty for no reason
  • Trigger your own anxiety or anger
  • Undermine your trust in the relationship

Which is why it’s so important to respond with awareness and boundaries—not reaction.

How to Protect Yourself and Keep Your Sanity

1. Recognize It’s Not About You

First and foremost: Don’t take it personally. It may feel personal—especially if it’s directed at you—but misdirected rage is usually about what’s going on inside them, not something you did. Remind yourself: “This isn’t mine.”

2. Pause Before Responding

When someone lashes out, your instinct might be to defend yourself or snap back. Try to pause instead. Take a breath. Step back emotionally, and assess: “Is this really about me?”

Reacting with equal anger often just escalates the situation and drains your energy.

3. Set Firm Boundaries

You are not a punching bag, emotional or otherwise. It’s okay to say:

  • “I can see you’re upset, but I’m not okay with being spoken to this way.”
  • “I’m happy to talk when you’re calm, but I’m stepping away for now.”
  • “I want to support you, but I won’t absorb your anger.”

Boundaries are not punishments—they are protection. They create space for mutual respect.

4. Don’t Try to Fix Them

You may want to soothe them, reason with them, or “be the bigger person” by staying silent. But enabling bad behavior doesn’t help them grow, it just teaches them that it’s okay to treat you this way.

You are responsible for your response, not their emotions.

5. Create Emotional Distance if Needed

If the misdirected rage is frequent or intense, you may need to create more space:

  • Limit time with the person
  • Avoid triggering topics (if known)
  • Keep conversations surface-level for your own safety

Protecting your peace doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you strong.

6. Debrief with Someone Safe

Being on the receiving end of someone’s misplaced anger can shake you up. Talk to a friend, therapist, or journal your thoughts. Getting it out of your head helps you process and regain your grounding.

7. Know When to Walk Away

If misdirected rage becomes a pattern, if it's abusive, or if your boundaries are continuously disrespected, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Love, loyalty, or history are not good enough reasons to stay in a situation that chips away at your well-being.

Protect YOUR Peace

You are not responsible for other people’s unresolved pain, unprocessed anger, or emotional outbursts. Being a compassionate person doesn’t mean being a sponge for someone else’s fury.

Protecting your peace is not weakness, it’s wisdom. You can care about someone and still refuse to be collateral damage in their emotional storm. Let them deal with their fire; you don’t have to burn to prove you love them.

Happy Thursday lovelies,

-srt

P.S. If you’re dealing with someone whose anger feels unpredictable or overwhelming, and you're not sure how to protect yourself without feeling guilty, I can help you create a clear boundary plan or communication script. Just say the word.

#EmotionalIntelligence #Boundaries #ProtectYourPeace #RespondDontReact #ConflictResolution #SelfAwareness #WorkplaceWellness #ToxicBehavior #MentalWellness #HealthyBoundaries #ReaCoaching&Consulting

Thursday, September 4, 2025

The CALM Technique: A Practical Tool for Handling Difficult Conversations with Grace

We’ve all been there...

You’re in a meeting or a one-on-one conversation, and tension suddenly spikes.    Voices raise. Words sting. You feel your body tighten, your pulse race, and your clarity fade.

In these moments, how you respond matters just as much, if not more, than what you say.

That’s where the CALM Technique comes in.

This simple, powerful method helps you de-escalate emotionally charged interactions and communicate with confidence, even under pressure.

What Is the CALM Technique?

CALM is an acronym that stands for:

  • C - Center Yourself
  • A - Acknowledge Without Agreeing
  • L - Limit the Discussion to the Issue at Hand
  • M - Move Forward Mindfully
Whether you're dealing with a defensive coworker, a confrontational board member, or a heated email thread, CALM helps you hold your ground without losing your cool.

Let’s break it down.

1. C - Center Yourself

Before responding, pause.
Take a breath.
Get grounded.

In a high-stress moment, your nervous system may go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Centering yourself is about disrupting that automatic reaction so you can choose a thoughtful response instead.

How to center yourself in the moment:

  • Inhale slowly through your nose, exhale through your mouth.
  • Plant your feet on the ground. Feel the chair beneath you.
  • Internally say: “I’m safe. I can handle this.” Or my personal favorite, "I can do hard things."  (Thank you Glennon Doyle)

This pause gives you the power to respond, not react.

2. A - Acknowledge Without Agreeing

Acknowledging someone’s emotion or point of view doesn’t mean you agree with them. It means you're signaling that you're listening and that’s often enough to reduce defensiveness.

Examples:

  • “I can see this is important to you.”
  • “It sounds like you’ve been frustrated by this.”
  • “I hear you.”

When people feel seen, they stop shouting to be heard.

This step isn’t about validating a toxic behavior, it’s about lowering the emotional temperature, so dialogue becomes possible.

3. L - Limit the Discussion to the Issue at Hand

In tense moments, conversations can spiral quickly. Suddenly you’re discussing everything that’s ever gone wrong, from the current disagreement to that email from three months ago.

CALM reminds you to stay on topic.

Try saying:

  • “Let’s focus on this specific issue for now.”
  • “I want to make sure we address what’s happening today.”
  • “That’s important too ... let’s come back to that once we resolve this.”

By keeping the conversation focused, you create boundaries around the issue and protect the discussion from becoming overwhelming or unproductive.

4. M - Move Forward Mindfully

Once things are calmer, focus on progress. What’s the next right step?

Mindful movement forward doesn’t mean rushing to resolution or pretending everything’s fine. It means intentionally choosing your next move from a place of clarity—not emotion.

Ask yourself:

  • “What outcome do I want from this?”
  • “What’s one thing we can do next?”
  • “What’s the most respectful, direct path forward?”

Mindfulness is about staying present, intentional, and values-aligned—even when others aren’t.

Why CALM Works

Because it’s not about controlling the other person, it’s about controlling yourself.

Tense interactions can trigger our ego, fear, or the desire to "win" the argument. But CALM shifts the focus inward. It gives you the tools to:

  • Stay composed
  • Speak clearly
  • Protect your peace
  • Lead with integrity

And when you stay calm, you create space for others to meet you there, too.

Final Thoughts

Difficult conversations are a part of life especially in leadership, team dynamics, or community work.

But conflict doesn’t have to mean chaos.

Next time you feel the tension rising, take a breath and try the CALM technique. You’ll be surprised how quickly things shift when you lead with clarity instead of combativeness.

Remember:  You don’t need to match someone’s intensity to make your point.

Stay CALM.  Stay grounded.  Speak with intention.

Happy Thursday Lovelies,

-srt 

P.S. Want a printable CALM cheat sheet for your desk or team? Let me know, I’m happy to share one!

#EmotionalIntelligence #ConflictResolution #LeadershipTools #CommunicationSkills #ProfessionalDevelopment #CALMTechnique #WorkplaceWellness #ReaCoaching&Consulting