Empathy Maps: What They Are and When to Use Them

Last year, I facilitated a workshop with a group of professionals who came from very different backgrounds. Some were deeply rooted in their faith traditions, others described themselves as spiritual but not religious, and a few identified as secular. 

As the conversation opened, tension was present in the room. People were polite, but you could feel the undercurrent of difference.

Rather than dive into debate or encourage people to “agree to disagree,” I used the example of faith / religion to introduce the concept of an empathy map.  It could not have gone any better and I have used the same example to teach empathy maps ever since. 

Before I get into the example, let me set the stage for empathy mapping. 

Empathy maps were first introduced around 2010 by Dave Gray, the founder of XPLANE, as part of design thinking and visual collaboration. He included the tool in his book Gamestorming. Since then, empathy maps have been used widely in design, product development, business strategy, and education. They exist because people needed a simple and visual way to understand others more deeply.

When we want to solve problems, design solutions, or connect with others, it’s easy to get stuck in our own perspective. We make assumptions, fill in the blanks with guesses, and rush into solutions. That’s where an empathy map becomes powerful because it slows us down and helps us see through someone else’s eyes.

What is an Empathy Map?

An empathy map is a simple, visual framework that organizes what we know about a person, whether a customer, stakeholder, or teammate. It’s usually divided into four main sections:

• Says – What the person openly shares.

• Thinks – What is on their mind but may remain unspoken.

• Feels – The emotions driving their experiences.

• Does – The behaviors and actions we observe.

Many versions also include Pains (frustrations, obstacles) and Gains (motivations, desires). Together, these elements create a holistic snapshot of the human experience.

Why Use an Empathy Map?

Empathy maps bring clarity and alignment. They:

• Help us move beyond assumptions and focus on real insights.

• Build shared understanding within teams so everyone sees the problem the same way.

• Encourage us to humanize data—numbers and surveys transform into stories and lived experiences.

• Provide a foundation for better solutions, whether in business, education, healthcare, or leadership.

When Are Empathy Maps Best Used?

Empathy maps shine when you need to deepen understanding before acting. Some key times include:

1. At the start of a project – to build a shared picture of the people you’re designing or planning for.

2. During research – to organize insights from interviews, surveys, or observations.

3. When a problem keeps repeating – to uncover hidden needs or frustrations that numbers alone won’t show.

4. In conflict resolution – to step into another person’s shoes and see the issue from their perspective.

5. In marketing or communication – to align messages with what people actually care about, not just what you want to say.

Now back to my example...

Mapping Perspectives Instead of Positions

I asked the group to choose one person’s story to map. We listened to a participant describe how their faith gave them strength during difficult times. On the surface, that could have sparked disagreement from others who did not share the same beliefs. But the empathy map shifted the focus.

• Says: “My faith helps me stay hopeful when things are uncertain.”

• Thinks: “I sometimes wonder if others understand how important this is to me.”

• Feels: A mix of gratitude and vulnerability.

• Does: Attends services regularly, volunteers in the community, leans on prayer during challenges.

As the group filled in the sections, something powerful happened. The discussion wasn’t about whether faith was “right” or “wrong.” It was about understanding the lived experience of one human being.

What We Discovered Together

Once the map was complete, I asked the group: “What patterns do you see?”

The answers were eye-opening:

• “I may not share the same belief system, but I know what it feels like to want strength in hard times.”

• “I can relate to wanting community support, even if I find it elsewhere.”

• “The need for hope and belonging seems universal.”

The empathy map had done its work. Instead of a room divided by belief, we found common ground in shared human needs.

When Empathy Maps Are Most Powerful

That workshop reminded me why empathy maps are so effective: they help us step past categories and labels, and into the deeper layers of what people truly think, feel, and value. They are best used when:

• You are navigating differences in values or beliefs.

• You want to reduce conflict by focusing on understanding rather than persuasion.

• You need to build connection across diversity—whether in teams, classrooms, communities, or families.

Wrap Up

Empathy maps are not the solution themselves, but they sharpen our vision. They reveal the human stories behind the data and guide us toward solutions that truly address real needs. More importantly, they create a respectful space where people can be seen and heard. While our beliefs and perspectives may differ, empathy maps remind us that we are often united by deeper needs for belonging, purpose, and understanding.

If you want to lead, innovate, or simply connect more deeply, start by mapping empathy.

Happy Thursday all,

-srt

P.S. If you’d like guidance in using tools like empathy maps to improve communication, leadership, or team collaboration, I’d be happy to support you through Rea Coaching & Consulting.

Stop the Chaos, Start Connecting

Everywhere we look, it feels like the world is shouting. The news screams, social media argues, and neighbors divide over things that used to feel small. We’re living in a time when anger spreads faster than facts and connection feels harder to find.

But here’s the truth: we can stop the chaos if we choose connection over division.

Somewhere along the way, we became quick to blame instead of understand. We rush to sue, shout, or shame instead of solve. We misdirect our rage toward one another when most of us are just trying to get by. And we pour that frustration into social media posts that only deepen the divide, when what we really need is conversation, compassion, and partnership.

We don’t have to agree on everything to care about each other. We don’t have to share the same background, vote the same way, or see the world through the same lens to build something better together. What we do need is the courage to slow down, listen, and see the human being across from us.

It starts in small, powerful ways:

• Ask a genuine question instead of assuming the worst.
• Choose a conversation over a comment thread.
• Spend more time with people who don’t think like you, but who want the same things at heart: safety, belonging, hope, and purpose.

The truth is, most of us want the same outcome, we just differ on how to get there. When we step back from the noise and lean into listening, we begin to remember that we are more alike than we are different.

Toxic division thrives on fear. Connection thrives on curiosity, compassion, and courage. One builds walls. The other builds bridges.

So maybe the change we need won’t come from a headline or a hashtag. Maybe it starts at our own dinner tables, in our neighborhoods, our classrooms, and our workplaces, one honest conversation at a time.

Let’s be the generation that quiets the noise and chooses empathy over outrage. The world doesn’t need more chaos. It needs more connection, and it starts with us.

Happy Thursday lovelies  Its rough out there.  Be kind to one another.  

-srt

Losing Patience at the Happiest Place on the Planet

It was a long, buzzing day at Disneyland, the kind where rides, lines, and crowds stretch the limits of anyone’s endurance. I was there with a group of foster children participating in a sibling reunification event.  

I was assigned to a young foster child, a boy with sharp at the edges and still figuring out how to belong in the world. After one especially questionable decision, I decided to try something different.  I exaggeratedly patted my pocket, as if searching for something important. I dug around deeper and deeper, my expression growing serious. “I have something for you,” I said, drawing out the moment and making him curious about what I could possibly be hiding.

Finally, I pulled my hand out, did my best attempt to pick at imaginary lint, but then landed it in front of him open, empty.
“This, minus the lint,” I said, “is all the patience I have left. I am giving it to you.”

He looked at my hand with a mix of confusion and disbelief. Then, with a sly grin, he plucked the invisible patience from my palm. Without hesitation, he threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and ground it deep into the dirt with the heel of his shoe.

I did not flinch. “That patience was important to me and, if you aren't going to use it I would like it back” I told him calmly. “You need to pick it back up, even the pieces stuck to your shoe.”

He gave me a look of pure bewilderment, the kind that said this woman is completely crazy.  But after seeing my "I am waiting" face, he crouched down and carefully picked up the invisible patience, even pretending to dig a few stubborn bits out of his sneaker tread. When he stood, he held it out to me, mangled and squished in his hand.

I smiled and said softly, “Just hold it for a few minutes. It will start to feel better. Patience just needs calm to heal, to regrow and regroup.”

For the first time that day, he was still. He cupped the invisible patience gently, then began to pet it with one finger. In a normal, quiet voice, a voice that carried more tenderness than defiance, he whispered to it, “You are getting better. I think you are okay now.”  He then looked at me and smile.  I could not help but smile back.

Something changed after that. He stayed close to me for the rest of the day. Maybe it was because of the invisible patience we were nursing back to health, or maybe it was the fact that I was blasting the KPOP Demon Hunter soundtrack, turning our walk through the park into an epic adventure. To me, it felt like we were not just walking through Disneyland, we were on a quest, protecting something fragile and good.

On the train, he lifted patience up to see the view. In quieter moments, he stroked it and whispered to it again. Somewhere between the rides and the laughter, the invisible patience became something real, a reminder that calm, kindness, and connection can grow even in the most unexpected places.

When the day began to wind down and the buses pulled up before dark, he turned to me and held out his hand.
“Do you want your patience back?” he said.

I shook my head. “No. I think you might need it this week. Be kind to it.”

He nodded solemnly, tucked the invisible patience into his pocket, and held out his fist. I met it with mine.

“I think you are amazing and smart,” I told him. “And I hope you always choose to be kind. Take care of patience.”

He did not say much, but the way he walked away, patience safe in his pocket, said enough.

Five Lessons I Learned from That Moment

1. Patience can be shared, even when it feels invisible.
Sometimes the best gift we can offer is not advice or correction, but a moment of calm presence that invites someone else to join us there.

2. Playfulness can open doors where lectures cannot.
That day, imagination created a bridge between us. The silliness made space for sincerity.

3. Healing often starts in quiet.
When he held that patience still, the calm that followed was not pretend. It was real. Sometimes we all just need a minute to hold still and let things regroup.

4. Connection changes behavior more than correction does.
Once he felt seen and safe, he wanted to stay close. Relationship, not rules, is what shifts hearts.

5. The things we teach often become the things we need.
As I asked him to care for patience, I realized I was reminding myself to do the same, to be gentle, to breathe, and to carry patience forward, even when it feels worn and invisible.

Reflection

So many things I leave unwritten in this post, but that day reminded me that patience is not a thing we simply have; it is something we practice, protect, and sometimes lend to others. In leadership, in parenting, in mentoring, or in life, patience is an act of generosity that allows space for growth and grace. The boy may have walked away with invisible patience in his pocket, but I walked away with something too ... a deeper understanding that the normalest, most creative moments of connection can plant seeds that grow long after the day is done.

Happy Thursday all.  Be kind to one another.

-srt

The 7 Problem Solving Steps Every Leader Should Know

Problems are part of life and leadership. Some are small, like running out of coffee before a meeting, and others are big, like project delays, budget cuts, or conflicting stakeholder priorities. What separates effective leaders from overwhelmed ones is a systematic approach to solving problems.

Here is a practical 7 step process that will help you move from confusion to clarity.

1. Identify the Issue

The first step is simple but essential: name the problem clearly. Many teams waste time treating symptoms instead of addressing the real issue. For example, if a project keeps missing deadlines, the problem is not late work. It might be unrealistic timelines or unclear priorities.

Leadership Lesson: If you cannot explain the problem in one sentence, you do not fully understand it yet.

Tools to Use:  Problem Statement Template, 5 Whys Analysis

2. Understand Everyone’s Interests

Behind every problem are people with different perspectives, needs, and priorities. Understanding these interests helps you design solutions that work for everyone involved.

Leadership Lesson: Listen carefully. Ask questions. The more you know about what people need, the better your solutions will be.

Tools to Use: Stakeholder Analysis Matrix, Empathy Map

3. List the Possible Solutions (Options)

Brainstorm as many options as possible without filtering too soon. Sometimes the most unconventional idea sparks the best outcome.

Leadership Lesson: Encourage creativity. Separate generating ideas from evaluating them.

Tools to Use: Brainstorming, Mind Mapping, SCAMPER Technique

4. Evaluate the Options

Once you have a list, weigh the pros and cons of each option. Consider feasibility, cost, timing, risks, and long term impact.

Leadership Lesson: Be thorough. A quick fix may not solve the deeper issue.

Tools to Use: SWOT Analysis, Decision Matrix, Cost Benefit Analysis

5. Select an Option (or Options)

Decision time. Pick the option or combination that best addresses the problem and aligns with your goals.

Leadership Lesson: Involve key stakeholders in the choice. Commitment to the solution increases when people are part of the decision.

Tools to Use: Multi Criteria Decision Analysis, Voting Techniques, Delphi Method

6. Document the Agreement

Clarity prevents confusion. Writing down the decision ensures everyone knows what was agreed on, who is responsible, and what the next steps are.

Leadership Lesson: If it is not documented, it did not happen. Documentation builds accountability and shared understanding.

Tools to Use: Action Plan Template, RACI Chart, Meeting Minutes

7. Agree on Contingencies, Monitoring, and Evaluation

No plan is perfect. Build in checkpoints, monitoring, and a process for making adjustments if things do not go as expected.

Leadership Lesson: Follow up is where many problem-solving efforts fail. Continuous review ensures solutions stick.

Tools to Use: KPI Dashboard, Risk Register, After Action Review

Bottom Line:

Problem solving is not about having all the answers. It is about having a clear process. By following these seven steps, you will move from reacting to challenges in frustration to responding with clarity and confidence.

Next time you face a tough problem, whether it is a stalled project, a difficult decision, or even just an empty coffee pot, remember that problems are opportunities to lead.

Happy Thursday,

-srt 

P.S. Before you panic because you don't know how to use the tools above, never fear.  I got your back.  Starting next week, I will introduce each so that you can execute like a pro.  

From Certainty to Curiosity: How We Unlock Innovation and Connection

Now that I am retired, I give myself 30 minutes on Thursday mornings to read through LinkedIn and catch up on the lives and work of my professional friends.

One dear friend has been digging deeply into the Torah and writing about her learnings. Miriam is a Jewish scholar, and her posts always compel me to reflect and ponder.

Last week, she ended her post with a question that stayed with me:

“What would it look like if we approached difficult questions with curiosity instead of certainty?”

It is a question I have been asking for the past year and one that I often bring into my coaching engagements.

So, let’s begin with why curiosity matters. Then, I’ll share a few frameworks you can use to cultivate curiosity and spark innovation in your own life, community, nonprofit, or profession. 

Why Curiosity Matters

Certainty can make us feel safe, but it often builds walls. Curiosity, however, builds bridges. It allows us to sit in complexity, to listen more deeply, and to move toward understanding instead of division.

• In our personal lives, curiosity helps us pause before reacting and ask what someone else might be experiencing.
• In communities, it creates common ground even when values diverge.
• In nonprofits, curiosity reframes obstacles as opportunities for creativity.
• In education, it teaches students that questions themselves are powerful tools for growth.

Curiosity does not undermine expertise. Instead, it enriches our wisdom with openness, empathy, and humility.

Frameworks That Encourage Curiosity and Innovation

If we want to move from certainty to curiosity, we need practical ways to practice it. 

Here are five frameworks that I have used in my life, professional and personal, that you can use to guide you:

1. Beginner’s Mind

Drawn from Zen philosophy, shoshin invites us to approach each situation as if we are seeing it for the first time.

• Ask: What is possible here that I have not considered?
• Ask: What might someone with a different perspective notice?

Application: Invite new voices into discussions. Fresh eyes often see what experts miss.

2. Appreciative Inquiry

Instead of asking, “What is broken?” Appreciative Inquiry asks:

• What is working well?
• What gives life to this system, team, or community?
• How might we build on these strengths?

Application: Nonprofits can reframe scarcity into innovation by focusing on where creativity is already thriving.

3. The 5 Whys

By asking “Why?” five times, we move beyond surface answers and discover root causes.

Application: An educator might ask why a student is disengaged, peeling back assumptions until they uncover real needs.

4. Design Thinking

This problem-solving process centers curiosity and empathy:

1. Empathize
2. Define
3. Ideate
4. Prototype
5. Test

Application: A nonprofit can co-create solutions by involving the community it serves in every stage of the design.

5. The “Yes, And” Mindset

Borrowed from improv, “Yes, And” builds on ideas rather than shutting them down.

Application: In team brainstorming, replace “Yes, but…” with “Yes, and…” to expand creativity and inclusion.

Creating a Culture of Curiosity

Curiosity flourishes where it is safe to wonder, safe to question, and even safe to fail. Leaders, educators, and changemakers can cultivate this by:

• Admitting when they do not know.
• Rewarding questions as much as answers.
• Creating space for reflection, not just execution.
• Practicing empathy and seeking first to understand.

The Invitation

As Miriam’s post reminded me, the divides in our communities, workplaces, and world will not be bridged by doubling down on certainty. They will be bridged when we step into dialogue with curiosity.

Certainty builds walls. Curiosity builds bridges. And on those bridges, transformation, innovation, and hope are born.

So the next time you face a difficult question, pause. Instead of rushing to certainty, lean into curiosity. That is where change begins.

Wrap Up

So, I will end where I began .... with Miriam's question:

Where in your life, community, nonprofit, or profession can you replace certainty with curiosity this week?

Happy Thursday all,

-srt

P.S. How can I help?  In my coaching and consulting work, I help leaders and teams move from certainty to curiosity. Together, we create cultures where asking better questions unlocks innovation, deepens trust, and builds stronger connections.

If you or your team are ready to embrace curiosity as a catalyst for growth, I would love to partner with you. Let’s explore how we can shift conversations, bridge divides, and spark new possibilities.

When an Emmy Led Me Somewhere I Did Not Expect

The other night I watched a young man, Owen Cooper, walk across the Emmy stage to accept an award for his role in Adolescence. I had not seen the show but the way the crowd reacted made me curious. Curiosity can be a gift but sometimes it takes you places you do not expect.

I pressed play on Adolescence and from the very first scene I was uncomfortable. The tone was raw, unfiltered, and unapologetically masculine in ways that felt jarring. By the time I reached the end I realized my discomfort was not just about the acting or the story. It was about the world the show was pointing toward. At that point I still could not name it.

It was only later that I learned more about what I had stumbled into: the manosphere and incel culture. Before this I honestly had no idea these communities even existed. What I discovered is a cluster of online spaces built around ideas of masculinity, power, and gender dynamics. It is a world where certain beliefs are reinforced through repetition, memes, and yes emojis.

I had always thought emojis were playful add ons to texts: a smiley face to soften a sentence, a heart to show appreciation, a flame to hype up a friend. But inside the manosphere and incel forums emojis become something else entirely. They are signals, shorthand for beliefs, and sometimes weapons of mockery.

Here are some of the most common ones:

• 💪 does not just mean strength, it stands for alpha masculinity.
• 🟥 is not just a red square, it is the red pill, a badge of awakening to the so called truth about women.
• 🔵 is the blue pill, used to mock anyone who is seen as naïve or brainwashed.
• 🤡 is shorthand for clown world, a dismissal of feminism or social progress as ridiculous.
• 👑 instead of admiration is often used sarcastically, as if to say all women think they are queens.
• 🚩 does not just mean warning, it gets slapped on almost anything women do that men in these groups dislike.
• 🐍 is used to paint women as deceptive or untrustworthy.
• 🐒 is shorthand for branch swinging, the idea that women move from man to man without loyalty.
• 🍆💦 goes from a silly symbol for flirting to a crude brag about sexual conquest.
• 💅 becomes a way to mock women as vain or shallow.
• 💀 is especially common in incel spaces, used to express despair, nihilism, or even hopelessness about life and relationships.
• 🪦 pushes it further, a tombstone symbol used when fatalism or self hatred takes over.
• 💯🔥80/20 references the belief that 80 percent of women are attracted to the top 20 percent of men, often paired with symbols of strength or sexual appeal.

What struck me most is how these communities take something as universal as emojis, symbols meant to connect us, and twist them into coded language that reinforces division.

Watching Adolescence felt like peeking behind a curtain. It showed me not just a performance worthy of an Emmy but an unsettling mirror of a culture I did not know enough about. By the time I finished I realized that my initial discomfort was the point. The show, intentionally or not, pushed me into a conversation I had been only vaguely aware of.

And here is the thing: once you see it you cannot unsee it. Emojis, television scripts, social media posts, they are not just harmless background noise. They are often part of a larger language, one that reveals how people see themselves and others.

I started with curiosity about a performance. I ended with curiosity about a subculture. And now I am left with the reminder that stories, whether told on a stage, a screen, or in a string of emojis, always mean more than they seem at first glance. For parents especially, this is a reminder to pay attention to the digital worlds your kids move through, because sometimes what looks like a harmless symbol is actually carrying a much heavier message. That awareness matters, because the same coded language that fuels online bonding can also fuel online bullying and harassment.

More than anything, I see this as a cautionary tale. The manosphere and its darker corners like incel culture are not just abstract internet trends, they can have devastating consequences for impressionable young men and for the families who love them. Recognizing the signs early and talking openly about them is one of the most important ways we can help protect the next generation.

Uncomfortable Thursday all,

-srt

When the Fire Isn’t Yours to Put Out: Dealing with Misdirected Rage and Protecting Your Sanity

We’ve all been there...caught in the crossfire of someone else’s anger that has nothing to do with us. Maybe it’s a partner snapping after a long day, a coworker venting frustration in your direction, or a friend lashing out when they’re really upset about something else entirely.

When rage is misdirected, it can feel personal, confusing, and even a little crazy-making. But here’s the truth: just because someone throws fire your way doesn’t mean you have to catch it.

What Is Misdirected Rage?

Misdirected rage happens when someone takes out their anger or frustration on an innocent party usually because the real source of their anger feels too risky, complicated, or buried to confront directly. It’s often unconscious. But just because they don’t mean to direct their fire at you doesn’t mean it’s okay—or that you have to absorb it.

The Emotional Toll

Being on the receiving end of misdirected anger can:

• Damage your self-esteem
• Leave you feeling confused or guilty for no reason
• Trigger your own anxiety or anger
• Undermine your trust in the relationship

Which is why it’s so important to respond with awareness and boundaries—not reaction.

How to Protect Yourself and Keep Your Sanity

1. Recognize It’s Not About You

First and foremost: Don’t take it personally. It may feel personal—especially if it’s directed at you—but misdirected rage is usually about what’s going on inside them, not something you did. Remind yourself: “This isn’t mine.”

2. Pause Before Responding

When someone lashes out, your instinct might be to defend yourself or snap back. Try to pause instead. Take a breath. Step back emotionally, and assess: “Is this really about me?”

Reacting with equal anger often just escalates the situation and drains your energy.

3. Set Firm Boundaries

You are not a punching bag, emotional or otherwise. It’s okay to say:

• “I can see you’re upset, but I’m not okay with being spoken to this way.”
• “I’m happy to talk when you’re calm, but I’m stepping away for now.”
• “I want to support you, but I won’t absorb your anger.”

Boundaries are not punishments—they are protection. They create space for mutual respect.

4. Don’t Try to Fix Them

You may want to soothe them, reason with them, or “be the bigger person” by staying silent. But enabling bad behavior doesn’t help them grow, it just teaches them that it’s okay to treat you this way.

You are responsible for your response, not their emotions.

5. Create Emotional Distance if Needed

If the misdirected rage is frequent or intense, you may need to create more space:

• Limit time with the person
• Avoid triggering topics (if known)
• Keep conversations surface-level for your own safety

Protecting your peace doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you strong.

6. Debrief with Someone Safe

Being on the receiving end of someone’s misplaced anger can shake you up. Talk to a friend, therapist, or journal your thoughts. Getting it out of your head helps you process and regain your grounding.

7. Know When to Walk Away

If misdirected rage becomes a pattern, if it's abusive, or if your boundaries are continuously disrespected, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Love, loyalty, or history are not good enough reasons to stay in a situation that chips away at your well-being.

Protect YOUR Peace

You are not responsible for other people’s unresolved pain, unprocessed anger, or emotional outbursts. Being a compassionate person doesn’t mean being a sponge for someone else’s fury.

Protecting your peace is not weakness, it’s wisdom. You can care about someone and still refuse to be collateral damage in their emotional storm. Let them deal with their fire; you don’t have to burn to prove you love them.

Happy Thursday lovelies,

-srt

P.S. If you’re dealing with someone whose anger feels unpredictable or overwhelming, and you're not sure how to protect yourself without feeling guilty, I can help you create a clear boundary plan or communication script. Just say the word.

#EmotionalIntelligence #Boundaries #ProtectYourPeace #RespondDontReact #ConflictResolution #SelfAwareness #WorkplaceWellness #ToxicBehavior #MentalWellness #HealthyBoundaries #ReaCoaching&Consulting

The CALM Technique: A Practical Tool for Handling Difficult Conversations with Grace

We’ve all been there...

You’re in a meeting or a one-on-one conversation, and tension suddenly spikes.    Voices raise. Words sting. You feel your body tighten, your pulse race, and your clarity fade.

In these moments, how you respond matters just as much, if not more, than what you say.

That’s where the CALM Technique comes in.

This simple, powerful method helps you de-escalate emotionally charged interactions and communicate with confidence, even under pressure.

What Is the CALM Technique?

CALM is an acronym that stands for:

• C - Center Yourself
• A - Acknowledge Without Agreeing
• L - Limit the Discussion to the Issue at Hand
• M - Move Forward Mindfully

Whether you're dealing with a defensive coworker, a confrontational board member, or a heated email thread, CALM helps you hold your ground without losing your cool.

Let’s break it down.

1. C - Center Yourself

Before responding, pause.
Take a breath.
Get grounded.

In a high-stress moment, your nervous system may go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Centering yourself is about disrupting that automatic reaction so you can choose a thoughtful response instead.

How to center yourself in the moment:

• Inhale slowly through your nose, exhale through your mouth.
• Plant your feet on the ground. Feel the chair beneath you.
• Internally say: “I’m safe. I can handle this.” Or my personal favorite, "I can do hard things."  (Thank you Glennon Doyle)

This pause gives you the power to respond, not react.

2. A - Acknowledge Without Agreeing

Acknowledging someone’s emotion or point of view doesn’t mean you agree with them. It means you're signaling that you're listening and that’s often enough to reduce defensiveness.

Examples:

• “I can see this is important to you.”
• “It sounds like you’ve been frustrated by this.”
• “I hear you.”

When people feel seen, they stop shouting to be heard.

This step isn’t about validating a toxic behavior, it’s about lowering the emotional temperature, so dialogue becomes possible.

3. L - Limit the Discussion to the Issue at Hand

In tense moments, conversations can spiral quickly. Suddenly you’re discussing everything that’s ever gone wrong, from the current disagreement to that email from three months ago.

CALM reminds you to stay on topic.

Try saying:

• “Let’s focus on this specific issue for now.”
• “I want to make sure we address what’s happening today.”
• “That’s important too ... let’s come back to that once we resolve this.”

By keeping the conversation focused, you create boundaries around the issue and protect the discussion from becoming overwhelming or unproductive.

4. M - Move Forward Mindfully

Once things are calmer, focus on progress. What’s the next right step?

Mindful movement forward doesn’t mean rushing to resolution or pretending everything’s fine. It means intentionally choosing your next move from a place of clarity—not emotion.

Ask yourself:

• “What outcome do I want from this?”
• “What’s one thing we can do next?”
• “What’s the most respectful, direct path forward?”

Mindfulness is about staying present, intentional, and values-aligned—even when others aren’t.

Why CALM Works

Because it’s not about controlling the other person, it’s about controlling yourself.

Tense interactions can trigger our ego, fear, or the desire to "win" the argument. But CALM shifts the focus inward. It gives you the tools to:

• Stay composed
• Speak clearly
• Protect your peace
• Lead with integrity

And when you stay calm, you create space for others to meet you there, too.

Final Thoughts

Difficult conversations are a part of life especially in leadership, team dynamics, or community work.

But conflict doesn’t have to mean chaos.

Next time you feel the tension rising, take a breath and try the CALM technique. You’ll be surprised how quickly things shift when you lead with clarity instead of combativeness.

Remember:  You don’t need to match someone’s intensity to make your point.

Stay CALM.  Stay grounded.  Speak with intention.

Happy Thursday Lovelies,

-srt 

P.S. Want a printable CALM cheat sheet for your desk or team? Let me know, I’m happy to share one!

#EmotionalIntelligence #ConflictResolution #LeadershipTools #CommunicationSkills #ProfessionalDevelopment #CALMTechnique #WorkplaceWellness #ReaCoaching&Consulting

Life After Corporate America: Redefining Purpose in a New Chapter

Seven months ago, I walked away from Corporate America and into retirement, or so I thought. I promised myself I would finally take it easy. No more back-to-back meetings, constant deadlines, or endless flights. Just time to breathe.

But here’s the truth, I’ve never been very good at “taking it easy.” What I’ve discovered is that retirement isn’t about slowing down, it’s about redirecting energy into the things that light you up and give life meaning.

Teaching and Shaping the Next Generation

One of the most rewarding surprises has been stepping into higher education. I teach at William Jessup University (online, undergraduate, and graduate courses) within the School of Business. Preparing students for their careers, whether in the private or public sector, reminds me that leadership isn’t just about what we achieve ourselves, but how we prepare others to thrive. Watching students grow in confidence and competence has been a gift.

What makes this chapter even more meaningful is that I can bring my full self to work. At Jessup, that means being able to openly live my faith, to pray with and for people, to share my testimony, and to create space for authentic connection. For the first time in my career, I feel I can be completely myself, and that authenticity has been both freeing and fulfilling.

Life on the Property, Goose Meets Duck

Not all my adventures have been in the classroom. Last time I shared that we hatched a goose, CaliGrl. Well, she’s grown into her own personality and still rules the property. Recently, Daisy the rescued mallard arrived, and much to CaliGrl’s dismay (or delight), Daisy has decided she’s found her new best friend.

And they’re not alone. Forty-two chickens, twenty-eight guinea fowl, twenty-two quails, a goose, and a duck make for some “fowl weathered” friends who keep us busy with daily care. Add to that twenty fruit trees that demand attention but reward us with jams, jellies, and syrup, and a garden that produces year-round, and it’s safe to say that life on the property is full, fruitful, and anything but quiet.

Life lessons come from unexpected places, and this lively mix of animals and harvest reminds me daily of resilience, consistency, and the joy of reaping what you sow.

Just as the land requires daily tending and rewards us with abundance, life at home has entered a new season too.

Becoming an Empty Nester

As much as the property keeps us busy, the house feels different these days. Son number three recently “flew the coop,” officially making us empty nesters. Each of my boys is finding his own path, and I couldn’t be prouder. One son is moving to the University of Oregon to pursue his doctorate, another will be graduating this fall, and the youngest is brewing up coffees as he works toward joining the fire service.

Watching them chase their dreams has been both bittersweet and inspiring, a reminder that just like the seasons on our property, life keeps moving forward, and each stage brings its own growth and reward.

Leading and Serving with Purpose

Another passion of mine has always been service. I am humbled to be serving my second and final term as President of Soroptimist International of Lincoln. Our mission, helping women and girls dream big, keeps me grounded in what truly matters. Empowerment begins with opportunity, and it’s a privilege to help create those opportunities. If you live in the Lincoln area and want to know more about being a Soroptimist, shoot me an email at stacyreathomas@gmail.com.

I’ve also joined the board of a nonprofit focused on foster children (programs for all ages). This work is close to my heart, and I’ll share more in the months ahead. What I know already is that making a difference doesn’t require a corporate title, it requires commitment and compassion.

A New Venture, Rea’s Coaching and Consulting

Perhaps the most exciting step has been establishing my own company, Rea’s Coaching and Consulting. This new chapter allows me to pour years of experience into something deeply personal. Leadership, communication, and career development are more than professional skills, they are lifelines for growth, confidence, and impact. Guiding others through coaching feels less like work and more like purpose. And focusing on small to medium businesses, individually owned, melts my heart.

Admittedly, I have been slow on marketing and getting online, but know it is coming. In fact, I already have two clients! More to come here and a formal launch in the next few months.

The Lesson in All of This

Retirement doesn’t mean “the end.” It means choice. It’s the opportunity to design a chapter that reflects who you are, what you care about, and how you want to give back.

For me, it has meant stepping into roles that combine joy, challenge, service, and faith. I have learned that true fulfillment comes when we align our lives with our values and live authentically, not just in what we do, but in who we are. This season has also taught me that God doesn’t waste experiences. Every chapter, from Corporate America to classrooms and chicken coops, has prepared me for what’s next.

So, if you’re standing at the edge of retirement (or even just dreaming about it), I encourage you to see it not as closing a book, but as starting a new one. The title is yours to write, and when you write it with purpose, faith, and authenticity, it becomes a life well-lived.

What about you? What chapter are you ready to write? 

Happy Thursday all,

-srt

#Leadership #Coaching #CareerGrowth #FaithAtWork #WomenEmpowerment #Authenticity #LifeAfterCorporateAmerica #ReaCoaching&Consulting