Empathy Maps: What They Are and When to Use Them

Last year, I facilitated a workshop with a group of professionals who came from very different backgrounds. Some were deeply rooted in their faith traditions, others described themselves as spiritual but not religious, and a few identified as secular. 

As the conversation opened, tension was present in the room. People were polite, but you could feel the undercurrent of difference.

Rather than dive into debate or encourage people to “agree to disagree,” I used the example of faith / religion to introduce the concept of an empathy map.  It could not have gone any better and I have used the same example to teach empathy maps ever since. 

Before I get into the example, let me set the stage for empathy mapping. 

Empathy maps were first introduced around 2010 by Dave Gray, the founder of XPLANE, as part of design thinking and visual collaboration. He included the tool in his book Gamestorming. Since then, empathy maps have been used widely in design, product development, business strategy, and education. They exist because people needed a simple and visual way to understand others more deeply.

When we want to solve problems, design solutions, or connect with others, it’s easy to get stuck in our own perspective. We make assumptions, fill in the blanks with guesses, and rush into solutions. That’s where an empathy map becomes powerful because it slows us down and helps us see through someone else’s eyes.

What is an Empathy Map?

An empathy map is a simple, visual framework that organizes what we know about a person, whether a customer, stakeholder, or teammate. It’s usually divided into four main sections:

• Says – What the person openly shares.

• Thinks – What is on their mind but may remain unspoken.

• Feels – The emotions driving their experiences.

• Does – The behaviors and actions we observe.

Many versions also include Pains (frustrations, obstacles) and Gains (motivations, desires). Together, these elements create a holistic snapshot of the human experience.

Why Use an Empathy Map?

Empathy maps bring clarity and alignment. They:

• Help us move beyond assumptions and focus on real insights.

• Build shared understanding within teams so everyone sees the problem the same way.

• Encourage us to humanize data—numbers and surveys transform into stories and lived experiences.

• Provide a foundation for better solutions, whether in business, education, healthcare, or leadership.

When Are Empathy Maps Best Used?

Empathy maps shine when you need to deepen understanding before acting. Some key times include:

1. At the start of a project – to build a shared picture of the people you’re designing or planning for.

2. During research – to organize insights from interviews, surveys, or observations.

3. When a problem keeps repeating – to uncover hidden needs or frustrations that numbers alone won’t show.

4. In conflict resolution – to step into another person’s shoes and see the issue from their perspective.

5. In marketing or communication – to align messages with what people actually care about, not just what you want to say.

Now back to my example...

Mapping Perspectives Instead of Positions

I asked the group to choose one person’s story to map. We listened to a participant describe how their faith gave them strength during difficult times. On the surface, that could have sparked disagreement from others who did not share the same beliefs. But the empathy map shifted the focus.

• Says: “My faith helps me stay hopeful when things are uncertain.”

• Thinks: “I sometimes wonder if others understand how important this is to me.”

• Feels: A mix of gratitude and vulnerability.

• Does: Attends services regularly, volunteers in the community, leans on prayer during challenges.

As the group filled in the sections, something powerful happened. The discussion wasn’t about whether faith was “right” or “wrong.” It was about understanding the lived experience of one human being.

What We Discovered Together

Once the map was complete, I asked the group: “What patterns do you see?”

The answers were eye-opening:

• “I may not share the same belief system, but I know what it feels like to want strength in hard times.”

• “I can relate to wanting community support, even if I find it elsewhere.”

• “The need for hope and belonging seems universal.”

The empathy map had done its work. Instead of a room divided by belief, we found common ground in shared human needs.

When Empathy Maps Are Most Powerful

That workshop reminded me why empathy maps are so effective: they help us step past categories and labels, and into the deeper layers of what people truly think, feel, and value. They are best used when:

• You are navigating differences in values or beliefs.

• You want to reduce conflict by focusing on understanding rather than persuasion.

• You need to build connection across diversity—whether in teams, classrooms, communities, or families.

Wrap Up

Empathy maps are not the solution themselves, but they sharpen our vision. They reveal the human stories behind the data and guide us toward solutions that truly address real needs. More importantly, they create a respectful space where people can be seen and heard. While our beliefs and perspectives may differ, empathy maps remind us that we are often united by deeper needs for belonging, purpose, and understanding.

If you want to lead, innovate, or simply connect more deeply, start by mapping empathy.

Happy Thursday all,

-srt

P.S. If you’d like guidance in using tools like empathy maps to improve communication, leadership, or team collaboration, I’d be happy to support you through Rea Coaching & Consulting.

Stop the Chaos, Start Connecting

Everywhere we look, it feels like the world is shouting. The news screams, social media argues, and neighbors divide over things that used to feel small. We’re living in a time when anger spreads faster than facts and connection feels harder to find.

But here’s the truth: we can stop the chaos if we choose connection over division.

Somewhere along the way, we became quick to blame instead of understand. We rush to sue, shout, or shame instead of solve. We misdirect our rage toward one another when most of us are just trying to get by. And we pour that frustration into social media posts that only deepen the divide, when what we really need is conversation, compassion, and partnership.

We don’t have to agree on everything to care about each other. We don’t have to share the same background, vote the same way, or see the world through the same lens to build something better together. What we do need is the courage to slow down, listen, and see the human being across from us.

It starts in small, powerful ways:

• Ask a genuine question instead of assuming the worst.
• Choose a conversation over a comment thread.
• Spend more time with people who don’t think like you, but who want the same things at heart: safety, belonging, hope, and purpose.

The truth is, most of us want the same outcome, we just differ on how to get there. When we step back from the noise and lean into listening, we begin to remember that we are more alike than we are different.

Toxic division thrives on fear. Connection thrives on curiosity, compassion, and courage. One builds walls. The other builds bridges.

So maybe the change we need won’t come from a headline or a hashtag. Maybe it starts at our own dinner tables, in our neighborhoods, our classrooms, and our workplaces, one honest conversation at a time.

Let’s be the generation that quiets the noise and chooses empathy over outrage. The world doesn’t need more chaos. It needs more connection, and it starts with us.

Happy Thursday lovelies  Its rough out there.  Be kind to one another.  

-srt

Losing Patience at the Happiest Place on the Planet

It was a long, buzzing day at Disneyland, the kind where rides, lines, and crowds stretch the limits of anyone’s endurance. I was there with a group of foster children participating in a sibling reunification event.  

I was assigned to a young foster child, a boy with sharp at the edges and still figuring out how to belong in the world. After one especially questionable decision, I decided to try something different.  I exaggeratedly patted my pocket, as if searching for something important. I dug around deeper and deeper, my expression growing serious. “I have something for you,” I said, drawing out the moment and making him curious about what I could possibly be hiding.

Finally, I pulled my hand out, did my best attempt to pick at imaginary lint, but then landed it in front of him open, empty.
“This, minus the lint,” I said, “is all the patience I have left. I am giving it to you.”

He looked at my hand with a mix of confusion and disbelief. Then, with a sly grin, he plucked the invisible patience from my palm. Without hesitation, he threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and ground it deep into the dirt with the heel of his shoe.

I did not flinch. “That patience was important to me and, if you aren't going to use it I would like it back” I told him calmly. “You need to pick it back up, even the pieces stuck to your shoe.”

He gave me a look of pure bewilderment, the kind that said this woman is completely crazy.  But after seeing my "I am waiting" face, he crouched down and carefully picked up the invisible patience, even pretending to dig a few stubborn bits out of his sneaker tread. When he stood, he held it out to me, mangled and squished in his hand.

I smiled and said softly, “Just hold it for a few minutes. It will start to feel better. Patience just needs calm to heal, to regrow and regroup.”

For the first time that day, he was still. He cupped the invisible patience gently, then began to pet it with one finger. In a normal, quiet voice, a voice that carried more tenderness than defiance, he whispered to it, “You are getting better. I think you are okay now.”  He then looked at me and smile.  I could not help but smile back.

Something changed after that. He stayed close to me for the rest of the day. Maybe it was because of the invisible patience we were nursing back to health, or maybe it was the fact that I was blasting the KPOP Demon Hunter soundtrack, turning our walk through the park into an epic adventure. To me, it felt like we were not just walking through Disneyland, we were on a quest, protecting something fragile and good.

On the train, he lifted patience up to see the view. In quieter moments, he stroked it and whispered to it again. Somewhere between the rides and the laughter, the invisible patience became something real, a reminder that calm, kindness, and connection can grow even in the most unexpected places.

When the day began to wind down and the buses pulled up before dark, he turned to me and held out his hand.
“Do you want your patience back?” he said.

I shook my head. “No. I think you might need it this week. Be kind to it.”

He nodded solemnly, tucked the invisible patience into his pocket, and held out his fist. I met it with mine.

“I think you are amazing and smart,” I told him. “And I hope you always choose to be kind. Take care of patience.”

He did not say much, but the way he walked away, patience safe in his pocket, said enough.

Five Lessons I Learned from That Moment

1. Patience can be shared, even when it feels invisible.
Sometimes the best gift we can offer is not advice or correction, but a moment of calm presence that invites someone else to join us there.

2. Playfulness can open doors where lectures cannot.
That day, imagination created a bridge between us. The silliness made space for sincerity.

3. Healing often starts in quiet.
When he held that patience still, the calm that followed was not pretend. It was real. Sometimes we all just need a minute to hold still and let things regroup.

4. Connection changes behavior more than correction does.
Once he felt seen and safe, he wanted to stay close. Relationship, not rules, is what shifts hearts.

5. The things we teach often become the things we need.
As I asked him to care for patience, I realized I was reminding myself to do the same, to be gentle, to breathe, and to carry patience forward, even when it feels worn and invisible.

Reflection

So many things I leave unwritten in this post, but that day reminded me that patience is not a thing we simply have; it is something we practice, protect, and sometimes lend to others. In leadership, in parenting, in mentoring, or in life, patience is an act of generosity that allows space for growth and grace. The boy may have walked away with invisible patience in his pocket, but I walked away with something too ... a deeper understanding that the normalest, most creative moments of connection can plant seeds that grow long after the day is done.

Happy Thursday all.  Be kind to one another.

-srt