You Don’t Have to Keep Defending Who You Are

I’ve been thinking about how exhausting it is to constantly defend who you are.

    “I didn’t mean that.”

        “That isn’t what happened.”

            “I do care.”

                “I haven’t abandoned you.”

                    “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

                        “I’ve already explained this.”

At first, you think if you can just find the right words, the other person will understand.

So you explain.

Then you explain your explanation.

You reassure.

You apologize for what actually belongs to you.

You try to clear up the misunderstanding.

You give grace.

And then somehow you find yourself right back at the beginning, defending your heart, your intentions and eventually your character.

Here is something I am learning:

Not every accusation requires a defense.

Sometimes you have explained enough.

Sometimes the other person’s version of you is simply not yours to fix.

You can listen to someone’s pain without accepting responsibility for all of it.

You can acknowledge someone’s feelings without agreeing with their accusations.

You can own your mistakes without accepting a character someone else has assigned to you.

And you can stop participating in conversations that require you to continually prove that you are a good person.

That isn’t avoiding accountability.

Sometimes it is recognizing that accountability has already happened, but the conversation keeps going.

There comes a point when you have to know yourself well enough to say:

• I know my heart.
• I know what I have done.
• I know what I have apologized for.
• I know what I can do differently.
• And I also know what does not belong to me.

That last one matters.

Because carrying someone else’s anger, disappointment, assumptions or pain will eventually become very heavy.

You can care about someone and put it down.

You can wish them healing and put it down.

You can forgive and put it down.

You can love someone and still decide that you will no longer participate in a conversation that is hurting you.

This Week’s Reminder

You do not have to keep defending who you are to someone committed to misunderstanding you.

Know yourself.

Own what is yours.

Make amends when necessary.

Then give yourself permission to put down what was never yours to carry.

Happy Monday, friends.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

srt

#MondayMotivation #KnowYourWorth #HealthyBoundaries #ProtectYourPeace #SelfWorth #EmotionalWellness #PersonalGrowth #LeadWithStrength #LiveWithPurpose

The Gift I Never Learned

💛 Vulnerability Alert

Before we finish our coffee together today, I want to tell you a story about my sister.

For as long as I can remember, I've admired orchids.

I've also killed every flippin' one I've ever owned.

For nearly thirty years, whenever someone gave me an orchid, I'd admire it for a few days...

...and then I'd quietly take it to my sister.

Not because I didn't love it.

Because I already knew how the story would end if it stayed with me.

    I'd water it.

        I'd move it to the perfect window.

            I'd follow every instruction she gave me.

                I'd even talk to it.

The leaves stayed green.

        The plant survived.

            But it never bloomed again.

Then my sister would take that very same orchid home.

A few months later...

It would be covered in blooms.

Every. Single. Time.

It amazed me.

Especially because I have a green thumb.

My vegetable garden thrives.

Our orchard blesses us every year.

The flowers around my office seem perfectly happy.

But orchids?

Not a chance.

For years I thought it was a mystery.

Lately, I've realized it was a lesson.

Some gifts simply weren't meant to be mine.

And that's okay.

Somehow, we've convinced ourselves that success means becoming good at everything.

But what if success looks more like recognizing the gifts we've been given...

...and celebrating the gifts we've been given in someone else?

My sister had a gift.

She could bring orchids back to life.

I couldn't.

Instead of trying to become her...

I learned to admire her.

Today, I think that's one of the greatest forms of love.

Not competition.

Celebration.

She never made me feel less because I couldn't grow orchids.

She simply smiled, took them home, and returned them to the world more beautiful than before.

Looking back...

I realize she was doing the same thing with people.

She had a way of helping others bloom.

And what a gift that was.

Gosh, I miss her so very much. 

Coffee Conversation

Before we finish our coffee together...

Can I leave you with one question?

Whose gift have you been quietly admiring instead of celebrating?

Tell them.

The world has enough comparison.

It can always use more encouragement.

This Week's Reminder

You don't have to possess every gift to appreciate its beauty.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is celebrating someone else's.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

-srt

#ThursdayThoughts
#LiveWithPurpose
#ChooseJoy
#PersonalGrowth
#Gratitude
#CelebrateOthers
#ReaCoachingandConsulting

Living a Beautiful Life

Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing we had to be good at everything.

• The perfect employee.
• The perfect parent.
• The perfect leader.
• The perfect friend.
• The perfect cook.
• The perfect gardener.

The perfect...

        Everything.

If I'm honest, I've spent seasons of my life trying to become someone who could do it all.

The older I get, the more I'm realizing something.

I don't have to be good at everything to live a beautiful life.

I can celebrate the people who are gifted where I'm not.

I can ask for help.

I can admire someone else's talent without questioning my own.

I can stop trying to become everything and start becoming the person God created me to be.

There's a strange kind of freedom in that.

Because when we stop measuring ourselves by everything we aren't...

We finally have room to appreciate everything we are.

This Week's Reminder

You don't have to be good at everything to live a beautiful life.

Happy Monday, friends.

Until next time, keep leading with strength and living with purpose.

-srt

#MotivationalMonday #Leadership #Growth #LiveWithPurpose #ReaCoachingandConsulting